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Groceries ... Suggestions?

October 22nd, 2016 at 02:51 am

So last night DH and I were discussing what we were going to do for dinner. Thursday nights are his night to "do" dinner.

(Background - We only have two nights a week where we can have dinner together. Sundays I have the most energy, so that's my day. Thursdays I have little energy, so that became his day. I am vegetarian, leaning towards vegan. DH is meat and potatoes and tolerates veggies and "fake" meats.)

DH half-teasingly suggests pizza. To which I remind him that I do NOT want pizza again, at least not for a few weeks. I suggest that we make something at home. He tells me that we don't have anything that he can make anything with! So I suggest - bean burritos, or spaghetti, or fried rice w/veggies. All of which he rejects for various reasons.

We ended up ordering from a Chinese restaurant. So, I got my veggies, and he got his chicken.

---
Today when I got home I told him that I'd like to hash out the groceries thing on Thursday.

Based on several comments he's made, I'm not sure if the way we're doing things is really working or not.

He eats a lot of his meals from 'bad orders" at the place he works at. Rarely does he buy stuff from the grocery store to make at home.

I of course get all of my food from the grocery store ... I ask him often if I can get anything for him, and try to get things that I think he'll eat.

But then ... he says there's nothing he can make anything with in the house.

So ... based on knowing we only eat two meals together each week, and have quite different views on what constitutes "good" food ...

What, if any, suggestions do you all have? How can we figure this out so that he feels like there is food he can make stuff with in the house (and which may be slightly healthier than the restaurant fare)?

I'm tired of having take out be the defacto go to when its his turn to figure dinner out.

We spent nearly $60 on take out last month, and are on track to spend more than that this month. I really don't like that - it feels like we are going backwards. (When I first moved out here, we were eating out almost every single day. After about three weeks of that, I told him that my unemployed wallet and my waistline couldn't handle that anymore. So, that's when we started doing a meal 1x a month only. Which held til our honeymoon and moving into the house... Now it's 1 or 2 x a week!

19 Responses to “Groceries ... Suggestions?”

  1. crazyliblady Says:
    1477104026

    Maybe you could together figure out some go-to recipes that you both like and buy the ingredients for those. While I agree with you, I know that if I am grumpy, tired, and hungry, it's hard to figure out what to eat.

  2. LuckyRobin Says:
    1477109876

    Well, you're going to have to meal plan. You sit down and you make lists of all the meals that you each like and you each are capable of making. And then you pick out what you are going to have for that week. And then you go shopping and get those ingredients.

    One thing you really might want to look into is crock pot cooking for his meals. There are a lot of them you can put all the raw ingredients together and freeze, then the night before you put it in the fridge to thaw or semi-thaw, dump it in the crock pot in the morning and cook on low all day. It helps to get the type of crock pot that you can program the time into and that switches to warm when it is done cooking.

    Unfortunately with vegetarianism there is not a ton you can do in the crock pot if you are gone all day since most crock pot meals like that only cook about 3 hours and don't do well being left on warm all day after that. But you can do big batches of stuff on a day off and freeze several servings for the future that you can take out to thaw 24 hours in advance, it could help. I'd suggest making big pots of vegetarian chili, spaghetti sauce with whatever meat substitute you use and then keep angel hair pasta on hand since it is ready in just a few minutes, bean burritos or enchiladas (use those aluminum 8 x 8 inch pans to do 4 or loaf pans to do 2 and freeze several), vegetarian taco meat divided up into meal size servings and the same with actual taco meat for him (he can decide what his serving size is) with taco shells or tortillas and cheese and lettuce on hand, any kind of soup that doesn't have dairy or noodles in it since they don't freeze very well, and stir-fry kits.

    With the stir-fry kits you or he can pre-cut the meat and put it in a separate baggy for him with half cup soy sauce, garlic, and ginger, then chop all the veggies, or better still, get pre-cut already frozen veggies and then just divide them into a gallon ziploc. Put your fake meat into a separate baggy and again add half cup soy sauce, garlic and ginger. Then put it altogether and freeze it. Thaw the meat and fake meat 24 hours before using.

    Do it on a day you are not exhausted. You have to make it easy and doable for the rest of the week or the month. It needs to be excuse proof. Planning it out works. Not planning ends in take out.

  3. ceejay74 Says:
    1477111322

    When NT first moved here, we ate out a TON. It was only when we really hit our financial low point that we started to get better about cooking. It took a year or two to really hit our stride though.

    Do you do a weekly shop? Maybe you could make a week's menu and have him choose what he's going to cook over the weekend before you go shopping. Then you buy the ingredients so he no longer has that excuse. We also have a shared Google Drive spreadsheet so any of us can add things during the week that we think of or run out of. But it sounds like you need to get him in the habit of thinking of a specific meal before you do the grocery shopping.

    Easy meal ideas that aren't 100% from scratch: chili and crackers, veggie burgers and salad, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, vegetable curry over rice, bean burritos, spaghetti and spinach-tomato sauce.

  4. VS_ozgirl Says:
    1477116269

    What about DH making pizza using pita bread (or whatever flat bread agrees with you), tomato paste and choice of toppings? If you cut up the vegetables at the start of the week they will still be fine by Thursday.

  5. jokeabee Says:
    1477137134

    What about Indian or Asian stir fries? The majority of it can be the sauce, rice and veggies (we use frozen because it's easier, but if we had more time we'd do fresh) and then he can put chicken or beef in his portion and you can put tofu/meat alternative in your portion. Our Aldi just started carrying a ton of different sauces in the jar and what we have tried so far has been excellent.

  6. creditcardfree Says:
    1477139316

    LuckyRobin has great advice. Making a list of meals you both like is going to be key. And since you are only eating together about 8 times a month, you can plan a month at a time. I'd do it at the same time you do your budget in YNAB. Smile Put it on the fridge so on his night he knows what is planned and knows what to make. This assumes the ingredients have been purchased in advance.

  7. alice4now Says:
    1477140977

    My suggestion is to buy some basics that he will eat. Not as healthy as can be, but certainly better than eating out You can get turkey sausage (not sure what it is called exactly, but it is that big link that is already cooked so you can add it to meals). He can add the sausage to rice or pasta easily enough, and instead you can add the veggies to yours. You can purchase a bag of pre-grilled chicken strips, too. Yes, it is more expensive to purchase these items already prepared. But he can throw a meal together quickly, and you can alter it to your preferences.
    I know that even for myself, if at least part of the meal is somewhat prepared, I am more inclined to go ahead and whip up the planned meal than eat out. But if I've had a crap day and have to face starting a meal from scratch, that can be overwhelming sometimes.

  8. MonkeyMama Says:
    1477143487

    We are not over-preparers and the meal plan might not work so well for your hubby. But maybe it will. IT's just not my thing as a more picky eater. That, and just overall wanting to keep things more flexible. I want to just decide to make the 5-minute meal when I've had a really long day. (We pretty much never go out because of this method. IT would be a heck of a lot more work to go out than to prep a 5-minute meal).

    I'd work on building up a list of meals that are easy to prepare. & then you can consult the list when you are feeling stuck. & if he's unwilling to plan ahead then that will mean a grocery run + making dinner. I guess saying that if he doesn't want to plan ahead and add things to your grocery list, why doesn't he plan ahead a few hours or a day ahead, on his own time? That is what I do, personally, since I am not a meal planner-aheader and my husband does weekly grocery shopping.

    & on a website like Taste of Home you can search meals that are very quick to prepare. Use that as a starting point for some ideas.

    I think alice4now's suggestion is great. Maybe do prepared food as some kind of a transitional stage. The goal would be to get more in the midset of just eating at home. It's a really small step from that to "5 minute meals" that you can make from scratch.

  9. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1477163305

    Thank you everyone!

    Homemade Pizza (chef boy r dee box mix only), cottage cheese roast, tater tot casserole and spaghetti are the main meals we sort of agree on. I've tried making them "healthier" but that just results in grumbles. But those meals still would probably be healthier and cheaper than eating out...

    He does make a really good omelette w/hashbrowns ... It's just all of these meals contain copious amounts of egg/dairy/fat ...which I'm trying to move away from. One meal plus leftovers a week like that won't kill me I guess. Especially if we have either broccoli or brussell sprouts on the side. Smile
    I will broach the idea of meal planning with him. Maybe with cold weather coming, he'd go for a stew of some kind where we can each add our choice of "meat"

    I'll check out taste of home for their quick meals minute meal sounds great. Smile

  10. MonkeyMama Says:
    1477164946

    I was perusing the TOH website and they changed it a bit. But they have some "cooking for two" options, "easy" or "5 ingredients or less". They used to have a some sort of option for "quick" recipes but I can't seem to find it. Maybe "easy" will do trick.

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1477168018

    Thanks MM!

  12. rob62521 Says:
    1477171900

    I was going to say plan your meals and then make up a list of things that are go to stuff, but so many beat me to it. I try to keep things on hand that DH will snack on so he doesn't say there isn't anything to eat after supper. Plus, I plan meals for the week and do the grocery shopping based on that and what's on sale.

  13. snafu Says:
    1477243163

    Since you asked fr suggestions...

    http://allrecipes.com/recipes/11978/everyday-cooking/cookware-and-equipment/pressure-cooker/

    How are you enjoying your Hot Pot, electronic pressure cooker. I suggest spending a part of each Sunday, preparing foods that can be combined in various ways to offer you each meals you will eat whether together or eating separately, nearly instant table ready. For example, each Sunday Hot Pot can quickly cook whatever meat item DH prefers bagged and frozen.

    For example, some cut of pork like tenderloin, butt/shoulder or more expensive pork chops. Next, less costly whole chicken, if DH is willing to cut and portion, or parts package of highly flavored thigh or legs. Any cuts of beef at sale priced, cut to fit Hot Pot’s dimensions. Ground beef is best sautéed with trinity [onion, celery, carrot [diced].

    Hot pot will cook any dried beans you’ll eat for Chili, Tex Mex, stew or home made soup with meat portion to be added or not.
    All these portions can be used to top whatever carb you like… 72 types of pasta, a dozen potato styles, brown rice, yams etc.
    Salad and frozen veggies DH will eat creates a meal with choices limited only to imagination.

    You both seem to like Chinese foods and most sauces are a combos of 5 spice, hoisin, soya, vinegar, honey/sugar, oil, tapioca powder. You might expand Asian choices to include Singaporean, Indonesian, Malay, Korean even Indian.

    https://www.cookscountry.com/recipes/7589-slow-cooker-chinese-barbecued-pork

  14. Jenn Says:
    1477244834

    I would take a different approach to keep from micro-managing: set the rules, keep him completely accountable for his weekly meal, and back off.

    For example, the rules could be that the meal must be vegetarian and that it must cost less than take-out (and not BE take-out). He can decide what it is, he can grocery shop for the ingredients, etc.

    Then, you could always make sure that you've got ingredients for a healthy salad on hand: baby spinach, red bell pepper, pumpkin seeds, shredded carrots, sun-dried tomatoes, olive oil/garlic/lemon juice for dressing...

    When he makes his meal, if it's healthy, eat it 50-50 with your side salad. If it's not-so-healthy, eat it 25%-75% with your side salad. Always express appreciation for his willingness to cook and stop stressing over it. The worst that could happen: he breaks a rule and serves take-out. In that case, you could skip his meal altogether and eat a huge salad of your own. (and let him know how disappointing it is that he didn't plan for your meal together, hurt the budget, etc.) You would also be taking a stand on your commitment to adopt a healthy lifestyle regardless of his choices.

    I hope this doesn't come across as preachy! You've been working so hard to be healthier - I really want to see you succeed.

  15. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1477260703

    Thanks Robb - I'm trying to do that - keep things on hand for him to snack on. Just not things that he'll eat the entire bag of ... so I'm keeping the fridge stocked with apples and oranges and a pot of beans. He had been eating the peanuts I bought, but I think he got tired of them or something.

    Thanks Snafu - I have been using my Instapot quite a bit. Figuring out food for myself isn't the issue. It's figuring out food he'll willingly choose to make for his night. Also just making sure he feels like there's stuff here he wants when he decides to make something for himself at home instead of eating from bad orders at work.

    Thanks Jenn. No, it doesn't come across as preachy at all. I don't mind going out / ordering out 1 or 2 x a month, just not every week... What you're talking about is kind of what I do - eat a portion of what he made, and then a large portion of a veggie I put together. (Am not a salad person at all.) I always tell him that I appreciate what he does for me (although it's rarely returned, especially when he doesn't like what I made. he's got the idea that he should only show appreciation for things he likes ... not for "just" the effort or thought behind it. We were raised very differently.)

    I think I'll probably suggest a combination of the ideas here - have us come up with a list of possible meal ideas that we can agree on, but have him be responsible for picking up whatever ingredients are necessary.

    We also need to figure out this ... before he left for work yesterday, I told him that I was going to Walmart and Aldi's. I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to pick up for him. He tells me no. So ... I didn't get anything with him specifically in mind. I picked up stuff for what I needed. When he got home from work, he asked me what I'd gotten, and then acted like he was unhappy that I didn't pick up anything that sounded good to him. Arghh!!! Not a mind reader!

  16. ceejay74 Says:
    1477324382

    "Arghh!!! Not a mind reader" was basically my inner (and outer) monologue for the first whole year of living with NT. Smile It still comes up occasionally but I have hammered away at that fact, so he's gradually gotten better about articulating things instead of silently expecting them (or silently but obviously fuming with disappointment/resentment about something).

    I've also had to harp on the fact that appreciation should be shown for family members' good deeds and efforts. Somewhat for myself, but especially for the kids -- I think it's a British thing where you scold your kids for the bad things but just expect the good and don't praise. I praise nearly every little thing they do right, even if it's just the baseline level of expected behavior, because I want to incentivize the good habits! Plus it balances out the negativity of correcting bad habits/behavior.

  17. Frugaltexan75 Says:
    1477325943

    Yep, in the hope that repeatedly telling him to tell me what he wants..eventually no more mind reading. Smile
    Last night at his company 's 2015 Christmas party was a good example of how different are upbringing was - I told him that before we left we should find the host and thank them. He was like, nobody does that. I told him that's how I was taught- - you never leave a party/event without thanking the host. I'll admit that it was apparent the host was not used to being thanked, which was a little funny/awkward. Smile

  18. kashi Says:
    1477426986

    I love Jenn's suggestions! That method may keep you from eventually taking on the full responsibility of meal preparation. Maybe decide together ahead of time which Thursday per month you will order take-out, and the rest, he is responsible for cooking food at home for both of you?

    Also - I recently signed up for the weekly Meal Mentor recipe plan, and while I still haven't gotten the hang of batch cooking all of my meals on Sunday, my small efforts so far have made life much easier during the week.

  19. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1477438932

    Thanks Kashi = that's pretty much what I was thinking of doing. Smile How do you like the meal mentor? I was thinking about it, but $$ made me hesitate. I've watched some of her meal prep videos Smile

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