Tomorrow our pre-marital counseling session will be on finances. 
Mr FT and I have spent a lot of time talking about finances.
I'm not sure we have yet reached a real consensus yet on what we're going to do.
For me, a budget/plan for ALL my money helps me to feel secure. For him, he pays his bills, then whatever is left is for whatever else comes up.
He's willing to concede that my way *could* work, but is something he'll have to wrap his mind around.
I'm trying to figure out what might be a happy medium - a meeting point, so to speak, where we both give a little, but come out better for it.
So ... I was hoping you all might share what works (ed) for you? Also, what kind of financial savvy (or lack of) did you and your partner (s) come into marriage / sharing finances with?
Mostly I'm still trying to wrap my brain around a possible mortgage payment of $850. When I was hoping for $700 to be the ultimate max. (The $850 is for the $130k house. There is an $89k house in the running as well.)
So ... Joining Finances? A Budgeter and a Non-Budgeter?
February 25th, 2016 at 01:36 am
February 25th, 2016 at 01:42 am 1456364521
February 25th, 2016 at 01:58 am 1456365522
My husband came into our marriage with debt from a failed business. I took control and we had it paid off in under a year. He always gives me credit for that. And it has helped him to trust me, along with my finance degree and experience working at a mutual fund company. Hard to argue with someone who is educated!
February 25th, 2016 at 02:02 am 1456365764
The time you spend getting this area of your lives sorted upfront is well worth it. You will prevent arguments, stress, and resentment. You might decide to settle on an approach and to schedule a date (6 months out?) to talk about how it's working for you. Then tweak and schedule another review.
February 25th, 2016 at 02:07 am 1456366037
February 25th, 2016 at 02:09 am 1456366161
February 25th, 2016 at 02:15 am 1456366523
February 25th, 2016 at 02:29 am 1456367343
Mjrube - How did you come up with the number?
February 25th, 2016 at 03:24 am 1456370652
We are pretty boring because we are very similar. We are not big budgeters. We more set our goals first and make sure we have enough money for our goals. Doesn't really matter what we do with the rest. I'd say we have a plan, and we track our spending meticulously. But we don't have a budget in the traditional sense. Maybe you don't have to do it exactly they way you have been, but it sounds like you are more of a planner. I'd start with a plan of some sort, which is exactly what you are doing.
I think communication is the most important part of it. Make sure he has input and it is his plan too. But make sure to speak up about whatever is not working for you.
Oh, and we came up with $50/month allowance money (each) for the crap we didn't agree the other person buys. We just started that as a trial run (first month of marriage) and it was enough and we have never changed it. Over the years we negotiate and work through the larger purchases I am sure. But I think initially was just to put some space in the budget and to say we are 100% a team, but once in a while we just want to spend money stupidly without any input from the other. & I think that's really important in the beginning. I don't know that it really means much at this point in our marriage. But it's just what we have always done. After 15 years I think we are just more comfortable with that we have our own quirks and we are used to it. But it's weird and different when first trying to figure it all out, and we wanted to make sure we were being fair to each other too.
February 25th, 2016 at 11:52 am 1456401130
February 25th, 2016 at 11:52 am 1456401175
Finances are hard and is one of the main stressors in a relationship. Open communication is the key and it sounds like the two of you have no problem discussing matters.
February 25th, 2016 at 12:24 pm 1456403091
February 25th, 2016 at 12:51 pm 1456404711
One of the things with Mr FT and I ... I feel strongly about paying tithe/offering, and he doesn't agree with it. He also sells electronics on eBay/Craigslist from time to time and also buys stuff to resell. He also plans on starting some other side gigs once we have the house. These are some of the areas we're having the most trouble coming to agreement on. Should tithe/offering come from the general budget, or my own "spending" money? Should the money he makes from the side gigs go into the general budget (and then the expenses be paid from it as well) or should that be considered a separate budget? I also make some money from side gigs, but don't have many, if any, expenses related to it.
How to handle stuff like this??
February 25th, 2016 at 02:48 pm 1456411694
February 25th, 2016 at 05:10 pm 1456420232
Each one of us gets a weekly allowance. (It has gone up from $20 a week to $100 a week) We are expencted to buy our own gas, snacks and misc. WE set aside a certain amount for savings every week. If I have some allowance left over, I put it into savings. My dh puts his into a special savings can that I made for him. That goes towards his car payment. (over and above the regular amount)
I have savings cans (decorated) and a piggy bank to make savings more fun!
February 25th, 2016 at 05:30 pm 1456421428
We've found it very helpful to continue a 'Buy List,' items need to get on the list so there is very little 'impulse' spending. We give ourselves a $ 100. per month allowance for unspecified, personal spending like misc treats, hair cuts, coffee with friends/colleagues, donations at work etc.
February 25th, 2016 at 06:04 pm 1456423477
Personally we don't budget either. Save, pay bills, then spend the rest. All on a credit card and we have a rough idea. We just buy what we want and that's it.
Couple of things though we are on the same page for how much to "save" for retirement, long term/short term savings, we are on the same page for big bills like mortgage, cable, cell phones, cars, insurance. So the rest of the spending falls into line because our basic values are in sync. I trust my DH to spend and he trust me.
February 26th, 2016 at 01:31 pm 1456493489
The PMC session went really well last night. The pastor was pretty impressed with how in tune we were regarding finances and how much we'd already discussed. We had further discussions later. We've agreed to try it one way for 6 months and then revisit and evaluate.
One of the things we did was take a survey about money values. We both scored very high on security (money as security) which actually kind of surprised me a little. We were quite similar in all 4 categories (which I can't remember right now of course ...)