We had our first real snow last night/today! It was so beautiful this morning when I finally made myself get out of bed and going.
I wasn't sure I wanted to go out driving in it however .. so settled in for a relaxing morning. One thing I ended up doing was signing up for a 3 month Spotify trial for $.99 on Swagbucks - 300 SBs. I gotta say .. I like it so far. Not enough to justify $10/month after the trial, but I do like it.
Early this afternoon the snow started melting ... so I made myself get out and do some errands.
First thing I did was deposit the money my aunt gave me for my airplane ticket. (cash) Then I went to a credit union I'd opened an account at when I first moved here and closed out my accounts - $37.
That $37 wasn't accounted for in my budget (in fact, I thought I only had $35.) So I decided I'd let myself play with the money a bit.
That sent me to Walmart. The first thing I did was take a sample video cassette of each type to the photo counter. I found out it would cost $25 for each 2 hour length DVD -- plus I wouldn't be able to do any editing before hand.
I got the name of two other places in town where I might be able to both watch/edit beforehand AND transfer to DVD. If memory serves me correctly, the videos are going to need a LOT of editing ...
My first priority really are the slides though. The cost at Walmart for 40 slides/DVD was about $25. Ouch. I'd be roughly guessing here, but I think I have at least 3 or 4000 slides. And I only took the ones starting in 1977 - the year my parents got married (I was 2 yrs old.) I don't plan on using ALL the slides, but even if I culled 10% ... this may be a multi-year project. Multi-year Christmas gifts ...
I bought about $20 worth of groceries, etc. at Walmart (3 of which work for iBotta rebates.) It won't come out of my grocery budget though, since it was unbudgeted money.
I had about $13 left. Then I stopped at the library to return some overdue books. I walked out with about $2. Darn you library fines!
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Question ... how would you react?
Every week I do NE's and I's laundry. He only has a few pieces of clothing he wears all week. So I add in my own stuff to make a full load. He provides the quarters. I provide the detergent and labor.
Last night after he collected his clothes from where I'd left them, he made a remark about our socks being mixed together. I was a bit miffed, and told him all it took was 2 seconds for him to pick out his own socks. He replied something about "should do laundry right." I told him he was more than welcome to do his own laundry if he thought I wasn't doing it right.
He thinks I was making too big of a deal of it. Notice - no where in there was any thanks for doing my laundry, etc.
To me, I don't mind doing the laundry. What irks me to high heaven is being told I'm not "doing it right" - especially when coupled with no expression of appreciation for my doing it in the first place. (He thinks he shouldn't have to tell me thanks since he's providing the quarters and I'm doing my laundry at the same time. Notice - he didn't do his laundry while I was gone - even though he had a key to the laundry room here and could've used my soap ...)
Anyway .. just curious about how other's might react in this situation.
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So not excited about going back to work tomorrow. At least I have several holidays to look forward to this month.
Two weeks left of Year 39. Yikes!
Snow! Errands ... Last day of Vacation :(
December 1st, 2015 at 12:47 am
December 1st, 2015 at 02:26 am 1448936764
December 1st, 2015 at 02:34 am 1448937241
December 1st, 2015 at 02:53 am 1448938398
I'd tell him to do his own laundry. I hate rude @$$hats like that. Especially if when they never offer up any inkling of gratitude. Why people, especially women more so than men it seems, put up with this behavior at all is beyond me. To put up with it repeatedly, IS the definition of insanity. IMO.
December 1st, 2015 at 03:11 am 1448939464
December 1st, 2015 at 03:44 am 1448941472
Honestly, there is a disconnect between guys and 'thank-you.' I've been married more than 25 years and rarely fail to thank DH for taking out the trash, flipping the switch on the coffee maker or fixing 'XYZ.' It feels like 2nd nature to say 'thank-you' for even mundane things. I rarely hear 'thank-you' unless I've managed some gargantuan task! It's usually because I found something he really, really wanted or saved him from a potential embarrassing moment. I don't see it as a 'bleed and die' issue. Is it because I'm from another generation?
December 1st, 2015 at 03:04 pm 1448982267
"It's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything for me...most of the time. "
Not to open up a can of worms, but this is a telling comment. Do you think he might be taking advantage of you?
December 1st, 2015 at 03:38 pm 1448984303
As to your follow up comment? "Forever" is a long time to be with someone who can't do things for you and who can't show appreciation. I feel the complete opposite of snafu. It's not like refusing to do his laundry solves any of the underlying issues. I don't think this is just about the laundry.
December 1st, 2015 at 05:28 pm 1448990880
I'm on my phone, so I apologize if I miss anyone.
Snafu - I do have a system/reminders for my library books which usually works. I just got busy and then was gone for a week. Added up.
I try to not compare NE with my dad, but my dad is the one who taught me to show appreciation. So not all men can't say thanks.
Kaycee - I kinda did tell him that. I don't think he thought I was serious though.
Butterscotch- if I stopped doing everything for him that he found reason to complain about ...
Petunia - Yes in a nutshell. I do feel like that sometimes.
MM - I try to not mention too many things here/online. But yes, the laundry I don't think is the real issue. It isn't that he doesn't do anything for me - it's more that he more often than not makes a big honking deal of it. I'm thinking really hard about the forever aspect.
December 1st, 2015 at 09:31 pm 1449005508
December 1st, 2015 at 09:49 pm 1449006581
We're just about to hit 9 years of marriage, and this still comes up from time to time. I'm still trying to work on that with him, because I believe a home should be a place of civility and gratitude. I notice AS and I both now tend to pick at him about things we never would if he hadn't started this cycle, because we instinctively don't want it to be one-sided, I think. But my preference would be rather than us learning to be more snide and critical, him learning to keep negative comments to himself when it's something minor. He's not perfect, but he's made progress. At least he acknowledges it when I point it out now. And once in a while we have a big old heart to heart and resolve to do better.
At least he's gotten into the habit of saying "thank you" even when people are just doing an assigned chore, like cooking dinner. I recently read a headline that gratitude contributes to a happy marriage, so I'm right to insist on the niceties.
December 2nd, 2015 at 12:01 am 1449014460
Ceejay - I really don't care about how he does things - unless it's affecting either his or my health, or our proverbial future combined finances. Maybe it's because I've lived so many different places and interacted with so many type of cultures/mindsets? Actually, that may not be true - it did annoy the beeswax out of me when I was staying at his place and would've JUST gotten the kitchen cleaned and he'd cut through the Styrofoam stuff for packing electronics equipment. That stuff gets EVERYWHERE!
Do the heart to hearts have lasting effects? Every so often I will bring up something that is REALLY bugging me. He'll do better ... for awhile. Then it goes back to the way it was.
In thinking about what you're saying about gratitude and what Petunia was saying about maybe him using me ... I think the issue is more of him taking me for granted. He just *expects* me to do stuff for him, so what's the point of saying thanks?
December 2nd, 2015 at 04:00 am 1449028837
December 2nd, 2015 at 04:08 am 1449029309
December 2nd, 2015 at 06:43 am 1449038631
December 2nd, 2015 at 01:19 pm 1449062341
It's really not about the laundry, but how the topic was approached and discussed...at least from what I gather!
December 2nd, 2015 at 06:44 pm 1449081879
December 3rd, 2015 at 12:27 am 1449102421
CCF - Yes, how it was approached was definitely part of my reaction.
BS - Thanks. In some ways, yes I think there have been improvements. We haven't had any silent tiffs since the night we broke up back then. He's done better at helping me with things, for the most part. Our communication is better. But then again we also only see each other twice a week for a few hours, and have virtually no communication the rest of the week. So ... I don't know if I can really make a fair comparison.
December 10th, 2015 at 10:20 pm 1449786030