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Home > Snow! Errands ... Last day of Vacation :(

Snow! Errands ... Last day of Vacation :(

December 1st, 2015 at 12:47 am

We had our first real snow last night/today! It was so beautiful this morning when I finally made myself get out of bed and going. Smile

I wasn't sure I wanted to go out driving in it however .. so settled in for a relaxing morning. One thing I ended up doing was signing up for a 3 month Spotify trial for $.99 on Swagbucks - 300 SBs. I gotta say .. I like it so far. Not enough to justify $10/month after the trial, but I do like it. Smile

Early this afternoon the snow started melting ... so I made myself get out and do some errands. Smile

First thing I did was deposit the money my aunt gave me for my airplane ticket. (cash) Then I went to a credit union I'd opened an account at when I first moved here and closed out my accounts - $37.

That $37 wasn't accounted for in my budget (in fact, I thought I only had $35.) So I decided I'd let myself play with the money a bit.

That sent me to Walmart. The first thing I did was take a sample video cassette of each type to the photo counter. I found out it would cost $25 for each 2 hour length DVD -- plus I wouldn't be able to do any editing before hand.

I got the name of two other places in town where I might be able to both watch/edit beforehand AND transfer to DVD. If memory serves me correctly, the videos are going to need a LOT of editing ...

My first priority really are the slides though. The cost at Walmart for 40 slides/DVD was about $25. Ouch. I'd be roughly guessing here, but I think I have at least 3 or 4000 slides. And I only took the ones starting in 1977 - the year my parents got married (I was 2 yrs old.) I don't plan on using ALL the slides, but even if I culled 10% ... this may be a multi-year project. Multi-year Christmas gifts ... Smile

I bought about $20 worth of groceries, etc. at Walmart (3 of which work for iBotta rebates.) It won't come out of my grocery budget though, since it was unbudgeted money. Smile

I had about $13 left. Then I stopped at the library to return some overdue books. I walked out with about $2. Frown Darn you library fines!

Question ... how would you react?

Every week I do NE's and I's laundry. He only has a few pieces of clothing he wears all week. So I add in my own stuff to make a full load. He provides the quarters. I provide the detergent and labor.

Last night after he collected his clothes from where I'd left them, he made a remark about our socks being mixed together. I was a bit miffed, and told him all it took was 2 seconds for him to pick out his own socks. He replied something about "should do laundry right." I told him he was more than welcome to do his own laundry if he thought I wasn't doing it right.

He thinks I was making too big of a deal of it. Notice - no where in there was any thanks for doing my laundry, etc.

To me, I don't mind doing the laundry. What irks me to high heaven is being told I'm not "doing it right" - especially when coupled with no expression of appreciation for my doing it in the first place. (He thinks he shouldn't have to tell me thanks since he's providing the quarters and I'm doing my laundry at the same time. Notice - he didn't do his laundry while I was gone - even though he had a key to the laundry room here and could've used my soap ...)

Anyway .. just curious about how other's might react in this situation.

So not excited about going back to work tomorrow. At least I have several holidays to look forward to this month.

Two weeks left of Year 39. Yikes!

18 Responses to “Snow! Errands ... Last day of Vacation :(”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    Well it can be looked at many ways. I'm guessing he just noticed his laundry wasn't really done since his socks were mixed in with yours and he is used to it. The comment could have been worded better and some action on his part would have been good. Will he ever do your laundry? Do you want him to? I would mention that it would be okay to say thank you. My husband still says thanks for many of the every day tasks I do. Smile

  2. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    CCF - I've mentioned a time or two or three that a word of thanks is appreciated. It happens a few times, then nothing. -- I haven't separated out the socks previously - just the big stuff. This was the first time he'd said anything. Nope, I highly doubt he'd ever do my laundry. It's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything for me...most of the time.

  3. Kaycee Fisher Says:

    I'd tell him to do his own laundry. I hate rude @$$hats like that. Especially if when they never offer up any inkling of gratitude. Why people, especially women more so than men it seems, put up with this behavior at all is beyond me. To put up with it repeatedly, IS the definition of insanity. IMO.

  4. Butterscotch Says:

    My husband doesn't like the way I do laundry, so I don't do his. I do mine and household stuff like towels. He can wash and fold his the way he likes without having to be annoyed with how I would have done it.

  5. snafu Says:

    I hope it's ok to suggest a system to avoid late fees for library returns. It's easy to note the weekend in advance of actual return date as an 'event' on your cell phone's calendar and it likely links with your computer. I've made it a habit to note 'events' and appointments while still in the parking lot, before departing since it helps to check other demands/errands on the list.

    Honestly, there is a disconnect between guys and 'thank-you.' I've been married more than 25 years and rarely fail to thank DH for taking out the trash, flipping the switch on the coffee maker or fixing 'XYZ.' It feels like 2nd nature to say 'thank-you' for even mundane things. I rarely hear 'thank-you' unless I've managed some gargantuan task! It's usually because I found something he really, really wanted or saved him from a potential embarrassing moment. I don't see it as a 'bleed and die' issue. Is it because I'm from another generation?

  6. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    Not doing it right . . . is a subjective matter where laundry & many areas are concerned. I've observed that we have to get used to our partner's sense of "right" and they ours. . . and we don't necessarily need to cater to them in all things. So he doesn't think you fold laundry "right"? If this were me I'd keep doing things the way I am doing them & sweetly (and I personally would have trouble with sweetly LOL) remind him that he can always do his own laundry. Then I'd drop it, and ignore any comments about socks hereafter.

    "It's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything for me...most of the time. "

    Not to open up a can of worms, but this is a telling comment. Do you think he might be taking advantage of you?

  7. MonkeyMama Says:

    As to the original post, I didn't have a strong opinion. If he doesn't like it, or can't say thank you, then he can do his own laundry. But I Wasn't there and it's possible you perceived the situation different from what he meant.

    As to your follow up comment? "Forever" is a long time to be with someone who can't do things for you and who can't show appreciation. I feel the complete opposite of snafu. It's not like refusing to do his laundry solves any of the underlying issues. I don't think this is just about the laundry.

  8. Frugaltexan75 Says:

    Thanks everyone.
    I'm on my phone, so I apologize if I miss anyone.

    Snafu - I do have a system/reminders for my library books which usually works. I just got busy and then was gone for a week. Added up.

    I try to not compare NE with my dad, but my dad is the one who taught me to show appreciation. So not all men can't say thanks.

    Kaycee - I kinda did tell him that. I don't think he thought I was serious though.

    Butterscotch- if I stopped doing everything for him that he found reason to complain about ...

    Petunia - Yes in a nutshell. I do feel like that sometimes.

    MM - I try to not mention too many things here/online. But yes, the laundry I don't think is the real issue. It isn't that he doesn't do anything for me - it's more that he more often than not makes a big honking deal of it. I'm thinking really hard about the forever aspect.

  9. Ima saver Says:

    Laura, My husband is a pretty great guy, but he is a perfectionist. (which is why he is such a great builder, he does everything HIMSELF. He can't hire anyone that pleases him. ) I learned a long time ago to just let him do everything for himself. Which is why for the past 40 years, he has done ALL of the housework and now he does ALL of the cooking! I can't do it to satisfy him, so I just don't. He does let me do one thing. He lets me handle ALL the money and he knows I do a good job of that. That keeps us both happy.

  10. ceejay74 Says:

    I get really irritated at my husband NT about comments like that. I've always tried to be pretty forgiving of my partners doing things a different way or doing things that annoy me. But then when NT turns around and says something snide when the situation is reversed, I sometimes bite his head off.

    We're just about to hit 9 years of marriage, and this still comes up from time to time. I'm still trying to work on that with him, because I believe a home should be a place of civility and gratitude. I notice AS and I both now tend to pick at him about things we never would if he hadn't started this cycle, because we instinctively don't want it to be one-sided, I think. But my preference would be rather than us learning to be more snide and critical, him learning to keep negative comments to himself when it's something minor. He's not perfect, but he's made progress. At least he acknowledges it when I point it out now. And once in a while we have a big old heart to heart and resolve to do better.

    At least he's gotten into the habit of saying "thank you" even when people are just doing an assigned chore, like cooking dinner. I recently read a headline that gratitude contributes to a happy marriage, so I'm right to insist on the niceties. Smile

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Ima - If I could get NE to do that - he'd do all the cooking, driving, and laundry. I'd be left with the cleaning and the finances. Smile He's not perfectionistic, just really sure that his way is the right way. (Case in point - I talked to him last night and mentioned about my taking a day off for my birthday weekend. He couldn't understand why I wanted to do that. He never takes the day off for HIS birthday. Well, all righty then ....)

    Ceejay - I really don't care about how he does things - unless it's affecting either his or my health, or our proverbial future combined finances. Maybe it's because I've lived so many different places and interacted with so many type of cultures/mindsets? Actually, that may not be true - it did annoy the beeswax out of me when I was staying at his place and would've JUST gotten the kitchen cleaned and he'd cut through the Styrofoam stuff for packing electronics equipment. That stuff gets EVERYWHERE!

    Do the heart to hearts have lasting effects? Every so often I will bring up something that is REALLY bugging me. He'll do better ... for awhile. Then it goes back to the way it was.

    In thinking about what you're saying about gratitude and what Petunia was saying about maybe him using me ... I think the issue is more of him taking me for granted. He just *expects* me to do stuff for him, so what's the point of saying thanks?

  12. ceejay74 Says:

    I'd say incremental progress over the years. 2 steps forward, 1 step back kind of thing. Part of it is cultural (Brits don't like to make a fuss, and sometimes that means not making a POSITIVE fuss) and I think part of it from his parents' unhappy, unhealthy marriage ... you know you don't want to be your parents but the habits slip in. But he cares, and wants to change ... just as I want to change my own bad habits (terrible housekeeping/laziness).

  13. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Hmm... I think that may be part of where he's coming from too. He didn't have very good role models for fathers/husbands. Very bad role models. While neither of my parents are/were perfect, there's enough of their life together that I would like to emulate. (Not my mom's being married umpteen times, or my dad's anger management issues ... Neither seem to be an issue for me since I've seemed to swung to the side of maybe never even getting married in the first place and eating my anger/frustration rather than expressing it .. so much healthier. :roll eyesSmile

  14. My English Castle Says:

    Well, this seems fairly standard around here too. Once in a blue moon my husband will think to thank me for doing the laundry or dishes. He's better at expressing appreciation for food. I've had minor tantrums about it over the years including dumping clean and unfolded clothes on his side of the bed or sometimes just stopping the laundry service entirely. But all it seems to do is wind me up more. He's completely oblivious so I tell myself I do it for me, not for him. But I can start to feel myself getting a little irritated just thinking about it.....

  15. creditcardfree Says:

    Yes, if NE didn't have good role models then you are a bit in the teaching role of what you expect. Whenever you live with someone else you have to make concessions, compromise, let things go. One little thing my husband does is leave all drawers open about 1/2 inch. Drives me crazy! I could gripe to him about it and have a few times in the past. But I just close them myself when I see it. And you know what? I missed that when he was deployed. It was a little thing he did that just wasn't there when he was gone.

    It's really not about the laundry, but how the topic was approached and discussed...at least from what I gather!

  16. Butterscotch Says:

    Hi Laura. I was curious about your relationship with NE so I went back to a few of your old blog posts to get a better idea of the dynamic. One I wanted to point out to you was from 8/24/14 where you seemed sad. The other was from 9/14/14 where you seemed like you were realizing how strong and valuable you are. I didn't spend a lot of time "snooping" through your history - IM not a stalker, haha Smile But I thought it might be helpful for you to go back and read a few things you had mentioned before and see how they compare to what you are dealing with now from NE. Do you see improvement in his attitude towards the relationship? Im rooting for you, girl! Take care of yourself.

  17. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    MEC - Yeah, I can see how you'd get irritated.

    CCF - Yes, how it was approached was definitely part of my reaction.

    BS - Thanks. In some ways, yes I think there have been improvements. We haven't had any silent tiffs since the night we broke up back then. He's done better at helping me with things, for the most part. Our communication is better. But then again we also only see each other twice a week for a few hours, and have virtually no communication the rest of the week. So ... I don't know if I can really make a fair comparison.

  18. PatientSaver Says:

    I'm a little late to this conversation but this reminds me of someone I dated once who got all bent out of shape because when i was making him apple crisp, my grandmother's recipe, I told him I modified the recipe and didn't bother to peel the granny smith apples the way she did. I mean, they're well cooked and it doesn't affect taste at all, but he made such a big to do about it...amzing...I mean, recipes are MADE to be tinkered with according to the cook's taste. HMPH.

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