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Amazed ... and my 5k: Keeping It Frugal
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Amazed ... and my 5k

July 4th, 2009 at 07:19 pm

Some of you who have followed this blog for a long time may recall that I was a teacher. In fact, when I started this blog, I had just started the last semester of my 8th year.

Well, this morning after my running in the 5k race, I went home and got ready for church. I managed to actually arrive about 10 minutes before the second service was to start.

In the lobby was the person who accounts for 70% of the reason I left teaching. I had taught both of his children, in two successive years. His oldest, I had tutored after school 3x a week for free. His youngest - well, I had NO energy left after dealing with her all day.

My third year at this school (8th year teaching) I had the privilege of having his youngest daughter in my classroom for a second year, thanks to the school combining grades. The first day of school did not go well. I had a little boy "M" in first grade and then his daughter who were like two peas in a pod - feeding off of each other.

Long story short, the second day of school the father came into my classroom before school started and told me he was taking his daughter out of school. That she'd told him I'd left her in the hallway by herself crying. He would not listen to me when I tried to explain to him what had actually happened.

Later, he went to the school board and told them I was a horrible teacher, and didn't have any classroom management skills.

After being told about this, I ended up going before the board and giving my side of the story. (I didn't want to do it. I hate public speaking - especially when I know I'm going to get emotional. But I realized that I had to do if for myself. )But my decision had already been made - that would be my last year.

I spent a lot of time that year trying to come to a place where I could forgive him. I even remember near the end of the year at a school concert, him passing by me in the gymnasium, and my stomach just twisting up in knots. Then, I attended Pathways, and amongst a lot of other things, I was finally able to let go my hurt and anger towards him. I realized that my feelings towards him were only hurting me, and having no affect on him.

So, that brings us to today.

He approached me and told me that he would like to apologize for what happened so long ago. That he'd been wrong.

After pulling his daughter out and putting her in another school, she had just as many problems with her new teachers, if not more. He'd realized that the common denominator was his daughter.

I told him that I accepted his apology, and that he would have no idea how much it meant to me. That 4 years ago I would not have been able to accept it. He seemed to get that.

We then kept on talking and he told me of the struggles he and his wife had had with their daughter. (Adopted from Russia, as was their son.) In a way, I felt vindicated that he admitted that it hadn't been me that caused the problems, but mostly I felt sad that his daughter still was having those same difficulties.

I had given her my all the year I had her, and felt like we'd made a lot of progress. She had a good heart and was so intelligent, but just could not manage her behavior. Whenever she sees me at church she comes up and gives me a hug. So I always knew that she at least knew that I had truly cared about her and tried to help her. To know that her dad has also realized this ... I can't even begin to express how happy this makes me.

Enough to go back in the classroom? Nope. I may have been able to let go of this, but I don't see myself ever being able to take the chance of putting that much time and effort into a child/ren to have the "perfect child" syndrome strike again.

---

In other news .. I ran a 5k race this morning. There were over 820 racers, and I ended up being about 2/3rds of the way back from the starting line.

At race time, the temp was already over 80 degrees. I was sweating and hadn't even walked.

In the end, I finished with a time of just over 47 minutes, but I think my actual time was closer to 44. The first two miles went well, but the third one I was really having to push myself to keep going.

I'll be writing up a more detailed race report for my blog (Run Laura Run) soon - but maybe not today. I need a nap, and I'm going over to my mom's soon for fireworks.

---

Happy 4th everyone!

12 Responses to “Amazed ... and my 5k”

  1. Ima saver Says:

    I am so glad you got an apology, you deserve it!

  2. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Thanks Ima.

  3. gamecock43 Says:

    I am glad you had closure regarding this big incident in your life. I would hate to have a person accuse me of something I didn't do and have the power to change my life. I absolutely would not know what to do.

  4. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Thanks Gamecock - What he did wasn't the whole reason I made the decision to quit teaching -- it had been building for awhile. What it did basically though was make it a simple decision for me.

    I was in pretty big shock when I found out what he'd said to the school board. The only thing that kept me moving forward was knowing that my students still needed me to teach them - no matter how I was feeling at the moment.

  5. Analise Says:

    You deserved that apology and your forgiveness shows great strength of character on your part. I am sorry for what happened and that this incident contributed to your decision to leave teaching. Too bad he didn't offer to put his apology in writing with a "cc" to the Board and your principal.

  6. Lisa Says:

    One person basically got me to stop teaching, too. Parents, children, and other teachers loved me. I worked hard and everyone knew it. I'm creative and innovative and progressive. My principal chose me to pick on. No reason, except that he's a bully.

    I quit teaching, sold EVERYTHING in a yard sale and decided never to go back. But after 10 years out of the classroom, I started teaching again. The reason I even considered it was because I was asked to be on an interview committee to hire a new teacher at my children's school. Basically, the candidates were all mediocre. I was asked why I hadn't applied, and I said that teaching had been a bad experience for me. The superintendent, who was on the committee also, asked for details, and for some reason I poured my heart out about how horrible this principal had made my life. She asked for his name and then told me 1,001 things she had heard about how terrible he was. Then she said, "Don't give him the power. None of us are perfect. Think about teaching again." and I did.

    It's a very challenging job, no matter what. One problem is that we are dealing with PEOPLE, not products... and we all get emotional when it comes to our kids. Good luck. You're thinking about library, so you're obviously interested in this kind of thing... kids, learning, etc.

    I'm happy for you that you got an apology. He said he was wrong. That's more than I ever got! But don't rule out teaching forever. Caring about the kids is a sign that you were good!

  7. monkeymama Says:

    I am so sorry you went through that - but glad you had closure. (That is really pretty nice that he was big enough to admit it).

    That was part of the drama this year - my child's teacher was let go. Lord knows why - all the parents I talked to LOVED her and we were really impressed with her. We wonder if it is something like this or something bigger we don't know about - but I would hate one complaining parent would ruin her career when she was so loved by everyone else.

  8. baselle Says:

    I'm glad you got that apology.

    47 minutes is a good time in the heat - I'll see how I'll do tomorrow. (for me, 49 minutes last week - ugh!). Its been in the 80s in the Seattle this year.

  9. fern Says:

    I think i saw a documentary about how many Russian children adopted from orphanages have serious development and behavioral problems due to the conditions they lived in, basically, very little loving, supportive interaction.

    I am no longer surprised at times by the ferocity with which parents will defend or protect their kids, especially mothers. He was blind at the time to what his child was really like, and just responding in what he thought was the best way; you, unfortunately, suffered some of the fallout from that, but i think it's a shame you left teaching becus of it.

  10. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Thanks everyone for your comments.

    Analise,

    My dad actually said something similar. He asked me what this person was going to do to *really* show that he'd realized he was wrong. (such as tell the board he'd been wrong.) If I ever was to go back to work for the church, then maybe I'd ask for something like that ... but for me, the apology is enough - more than I ever expected to happen in a million years.

    Lisa,

    I am so sorry you had such a terrible experience with your principal. A principal really can make or break a teacher's school year - I had some mediocre ones and some great ones. I am glad you were able to find a way back into teaching.

    For me, the closest I ever see myself getting back into a classroom is being a school librarian, or perhaps homeschooling my hypothetical kids.

    Monkeymama,

    You're right, it is good to have closure. As to your child's teacher ... all it really takes is one or two disgruntled parents to make a teacher's life torture. There may have been other issues too not relating to how the teacher was in the classroom or with parents.

    Baselle,

    The difference between our routes is terrain - the race route had a few gentle slopes, but was mostly flat. Somehow I imagine that your 3 miles in Seattle isn't all that flat. Big Grin

    Fern,

    The story of both of these children's lives in Russia is completely heartbreaking. What the little girl went through especially ... if she'd been left there and not adopted, she'd probably have been dead by now - used up. Just picture the worst things imaginable to happen to a little girl. Knowing her story/her background is a lot of what helped me to have lots of patience with her behavior and outbursts.

    I agree with you - parents will protect their children with everything they can. It's just that some parents have figured out that their child isn't perfect, and is willing to work with teachers instead of against them. The parent's who can't believe it when you are telling them that their "perfect little angel" has been the instigator in starting a playground fight - not directly, but via manipulation - are the same parents who are going to end up with a teenager they can't control. (This was a child in the same class as the Russian girl. She *loved* to goad the Russian girl and get her in trouble. This child presented herself as sweet and quiet, but had a very cunning manipulative streak.)

  11. boomeyers Says:

    Congrats on the run! Smile

  12. creditcardfree Says:

    I think it is great that you, as well as the father, have come to accept and forgive each other for the past. Time can really heal all wounds. Smile

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