I wrote this for a blog I keep on Sparkpeople and am reposting it here. For here I am adding in the facts that between my vet visit on Friday for updated shots, a bunch of geriatric bloodwork & exam, and today's surgery - I came close to spending a month's takehome. Monkey was worth every penny - but I am so thankful for my Emergency Fund.
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Today has been a very bad day, but I also have felt so much love and compassion expressed towards me that it makes it so I can't say this was the worst day of my life.
I took my sweet, sweet, wonderful, loving friend and companion of nearly 10 years to the vet this morning. My cat was going to have some dental work done and a bump removed from his leg to biopsy.
I arrived early with him, so spent about 25 minutes out in the car with him on my lap just loving him to pieces. I thank God that I had that time with him.
Around 9:30 a.m. I get a page telling me to call our Office Manager. She tells me my cellphone had just gone off. I run back to my desk and listen to the voicemail. It's the vet. He says something bad has happened and I need to call.
I call. My cat died during surgery.
I tell the people around me what had happened. They knew something was very wrong because I shouted WHAT a couple times on the phone and was barely controlling my crying. They were so sweet. I told my Office Manager that I was going to take the rest of the day off - she had no problem with that.
I went back to talk to a coworker and friend to tell her what had happened. She was very sweet and supportive as well.
I somehow made it home. I called my parents - both of them dropped what they were doing today and started to make their way to my place. I had so much nervous energy that I didn't know what to do with myself, so I started cleaning my place. I managed to get it pretty nicely picked up in just over an hour.
Then I started looking for ideas on what to do with my kitty. My mom got here first and she was crying just as hard as I was. She had called my brother, and while we were talking, he called. He was so sweet. He also got me to laugh out loud telling me about his misadventures with seeding his front lawn and ending up with a lawnful of mushrooms!
Shortly before my dad came, a friend of mine who I get together with most weeks called and said that she was bringing lunch for me and my parents. (I had sent out an email to a group of friends about what had happened.)
When my dad came we all sat around talking about Monkey (my cat) and also remembering some of our other pets we've had through the years. It was good talking about them. My friend came with the food, which was just so very thoughtful and sweet of her. She stayed for a little while, then had to get back to work.
After that my mom, dad and I went to the vets so we could see Monkey one last time and say goodbye. The vet and his assistant were pretty shook up about the whole thing themselves. Monkey was laying on his heating pad in one of the little kennel cages with a towel partially covering him.
His ears were in an alert position, and the tip of his sweet pink tongue was just barely sticking out of his mouth. We moved the towel and I squatted next to him and petted him for a long time while the vet and the assistant and my parents talked intermittently I
didn't really want to hold him because I knew he wouldn't feel right, but my mom really wanted to hold him. So after she did, I went ahead and did too. He was so heavy, not like he used to feel when I would hold him. -During my conversation with my brother, he'd suggested taxidermy. After holding my sweet little kiden I knew for sure that my answer to that would be a solid NO.
I told the assistant that I had decided to have him cremated since I live in an apartment and have nowhere to bury him. So I had to fill out a form saying what I wanted to have engraved on his little plaque. I should be able to pick him up on Friday..
After we left the vets we came back to my place and stayed in my mom's car just talking about everything and anything for a couple hours. Then my mom left and my dad and I went up to my place. It was so hard walking through that front door knowing that I wasn't going to be greeted by an annoyed meow telling me it was WAY past lunchtime.
Dad stayed for a little while checking his email and sending an email to my grandma about what happened. She and my uncle and aunt are in Euorpe right now visiting a sick relative. I actually got Monkey from a close friend of my Grandmas Labor Day weekend 1997.
It wasn't too long after my dad left that I started thinking about the fact that I felt pretty hungry. I was thinking that I wanted to go to Walmart and get all my favorite comfort foods (chocolate and more chocolate). That I would stop at Boston Market and get my mac & cheese and mashed potatoes. But then I started thinking that if I did that, if I went that far off my healthy eating of the past week - the eating where I've lost 4 lbs - that that would be dishonoring Monkey's memory.
I'm doubly glad that I didn't go to the store, because a few minutes after 5:30 I had a knock on my door. One of my coworkers was standing there. She'd come by to check and see how I was doing and to generally commiserate. She'd not been there even 5 minutes when another sort of coworker came by to do the same. I was so incredibly touched by both of them.
They hadn't been gone even 3 minutes when another coworker of mine called me to make sure I was doing okay. When I checked my email, I had well over a dozen responses to my mass email from that morning, plus I had a good number of responses from my posting here on Spark.
My heart is heavy tonight as I try to absorb the shock of my Monkey's death, but my burden is lighter due to the outpouring of love and friendship from so many different sources.
And, in honor of my sweet kitties memory, I DID not go out and indulge in my comfort foods of pastimes. However, I DID allow myself SOME comfort food in a controlled portion - I made a protein powder/banana/peanut butter/chocolate syrup/soymilk shake. It wasn't even all the good.
RIP Monkey 1997 - May 9, 2007
Mixed Emotions - RIP Monkey
May 10th, 2007 at 01:40 am
May 10th, 2007 at 01:54 am 1178762067
~Hugs
May 10th, 2007 at 01:56 am 1178762196
May 10th, 2007 at 02:17 am 1178763469
I'm glad you are getting such wonderful support.
May 10th, 2007 at 02:21 am 1178763662
May 10th, 2007 at 02:34 am 1178764462
May 10th, 2007 at 02:39 am 1178764752
May 10th, 2007 at 02:46 am 1178765195
May 10th, 2007 at 03:30 am 1178767820
May 10th, 2007 at 04:41 am 1178772118
It will be very strange for a long time. Empty house, no meow. It will be odd when you get the urn, odd when you get the condolence card from the vet, odd giving the food and toys away. I still have some catnip and I think ... what was I saving this for? Why didn't I just give him tons?
Heck, its still strange for me even now.
May 10th, 2007 at 05:16 am 1178774190
May 10th, 2007 at 12:23 pm 1178799817
I'd been worried about how he was going to adjust to my not coming home for lunch everyday when my company moves, but now I guess he won't have to adjust to that.
Thank you all again for your support. Y'all are awesome.
Laura
May 10th, 2007 at 01:58 pm 1178805509
Take care...and remember what a lucky kitty Monkey was to have you for a friend.
May 10th, 2007 at 02:54 pm 1178808873
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May 10th, 2007 at 04:32 pm 1178814726
May 10th, 2007 at 04:41 pm 1178815304
May 10th, 2007 at 05:13 pm 1178817216
May 12th, 2007 at 02:57 am 1178938679
May 12th, 2007 at 02:19 pm 1178979565
I picked up his ashes yesterday afternoon from the vet. The vet assistant was still upset over losing him. It wasn't till I got home and took him out of the bag that it really hit home that that was really him in the little cedar box.
May 17th, 2007 at 01:44 am 1179366251
May 17th, 2007 at 01:53 am 1179366836
I'm feeling so emotionally drained that I've not been able to get up the gumption to do my exercise, and I've had a terrible time keeping up my normal "can do" cheerful attitude at work. I just about lost it today when one of the people (aka "Copy King") I do stuff for laid a power trip on me - after I told him I'd ask the receptionist to make the color copy while I finished up the meeting minutes for someone else. -- He never actually apologized to me in so many words, nor admitted that he was wrong in so many words - but he did end up telling me to go ahead and finish up the minutes.
I'm thinking of tomorrow as a sick day. I've gotta do something to get myself back to normal.
May 25th, 2007 at 12:22 am 1180052565
My dog had died while on the way to the vet almost 1 year ago. I just walked in the office and started crying. The staff knew immediately and couldn't have been kinder to me.
As time passes you will come to remember only the good times and not the loss. Take care.
May 28th, 2007 at 08:44 pm 1180385070
I wish I could say something more helpful.