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Standing Desk! Car spending/saving, Etc

January 31st, 2018 at 07:47 pm

Back in August? a co-worker and I approached the main boss about getting standing desks. He approved the idea. We had two vendors come out in September and make quotes. A vendor was approved in November. The purchase order was made.

Finally, yesterday the installers came! They were late - it took them 3 hours to install mine and co-workers. Coworkers is a simple attach to the desk model. Mine is not a simple one. Smile I got the one where they attach legs to the bottom of the desk that rise and fall via motor.

I was willing to go with the cheaper model, but asked if the one I got would be possible. Smile I love it!!

I'll be getting an anti-fatigue mat (employer) and I am going to look for a small step stool to help with position changes.

Already my fitbit is showing increased active activity. I made 7 of 10 250 steps in an hour. Usually my average is 3 ...

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So last night we dropped my car off at Brakes Plus because it had been having increasing squealing issues.

Today they called my DH and told him it needed a new belt and a new battery. DH emailed me the info - I told him that I thought that was strange, since I was pretty sure I had some kind of belt put on just a few years ago there.

So during lunch I called them to find out what belt they were talking about. Yep, it was the serpentine belt, and it was the one replaced by them 2 years 2 mos ago.

So in the end, what would have cost $114 for parts and labor, cost $38.95 after a $25 coupon.

Guess what is being added to my bujo (bullet journal)?

You guessed it - A page for recording auto maintenance!

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So now he's wanting his log in info for his ROTH.

You can probably guess why.

I can't exactly say no. (I'd actually given it to him previously.)

I'm thinking a compromise I am willing to live with is that as long as there is an increase of 6500 each year, I don't care what you do with the rest. Or say I'm ok if you put half of it in index funds or bonds - safe steady investments, and then the other half in more speculative stuff.

It's not like you can really do day trading within a ROTH, at least not quick trading. Though I did lose most of the $1k I bet on Fitbit ....(bought second day at $42 .... now is at $5 something. Yech. So yes I know it is basically gambling. (He throws the electric car stock at me - you have all those shares of the car stock - isn't that gambling? Well, yes, and I've been trying to convert them into less gambling type stuff. But the stuff in the taxable account has to be done carefully and slowly...)

It isn't like I can tell him what to do with the money in his retirement accounts ... because then he could do the same with mine. Oy vey. The one money issue we never really discussed before marriage. (Other than him being totally floored when he found out what my networth was after we were engaged.)

I might bring up the idea of consulting with a 3rd party financial advisor again. Because I'm not really sure what to do.

I mentioned to him that the ROTH money has been growing pretty well - he says back, well, yeah, the stock market overall has been growing a lot, so of course the ROTH would. UGH@

I really thought we had all the money stuff ironed out beforehand.

24 Responses to “Standing Desk! Car spending/saving, Etc”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    Oh my gawwwwwwwwwd. So he's all floored by your net worth because he must not have anything similar even though he's several years older than you, and now he wants to blow it all because, what, he thinks he's so much better with money than you, the person with a great net worth?

    Sorry; I know I'm being overly sarcastic; you can delete this after you read it and I'll understand. I just feel so protective of my SA buddies and all their careful hard work! Frown

  2. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    It is really easy, sometimes too easy, to accommodate our marriage partners when they disagree with us on something and then kick up a fuss over it. If this were me, knowing what I know now, I would make sure that we agreed about ROTHs (something like, we will both put in the maximum each year and we won't take it out unless we agree with each other). If it was something very important to me I wouldn't back down & would continue to insist that we come to some kind of agreement we can both live with. I would be very clear that this was very important to my well being, to be in agreement about this. (If he later chose to break that agreement, well, that is a different topic, I think.)

    That said, if he chooses speculative investing in his ROTH there is a limited amount you can do about it.

    You can delete this one too, if you find it too provoking. Smile We care about your well being, Laura.

  3. Wink Says:

    Nice picture. You look great! I'm jealous of your standing desk. I inquired about the possibility of getting one at work, but quickly got denied. Too expensive, not in the budget, etc.

  4. Frugaltexan75 Says:

    Ceejay - I think that part of the problem IS because of the vastly unequal net worths going into marriage. We had more “discussion “ this morning at 4 am. I’m about ready to say let’s just have separate finances. Then you can be in control of your money and I mine. Even though I feel doing that is more hassle and just one step away from more dire decisions. If I were to tell him ok you do all the finances for the next 3 months. He would hate it. I’ve tried going to our budget meeting with a mostly blank budget and he just complains that it’s taking too long and why didn’t I already have it filled out. Yet now he’s telling me I’m controlling the money.

    Petunia I wish we’d done that.

    Thanks Wink.

  5. CB in the City Says:

    He clearly doesn't actually want to manage the money, he wants to play with it. He wants to skip a step and get rich quick. Can you agree to give him allowance to play with, that won't hurt your bottom line? He might learn what that kind of "money management" will really do. Remind him that every roaring market is followed by a correction, which can come any time.

  6. Stephanie Says:

    First, love the pix of you and your standing desk. I am jealous!

    Second, net worths...my net worth was substantially greater than my husband's when we married. It was a bit of an issue between us in the earlier years. Fifteen years later, it's no longer yours/mine. It is ours. Hang in there. It may take time.

    Third, I am with others with allotting DH some money to play with. Open a separate account (Roth or other) for him with the seed money. He can manage and make his contribution. Because in the end, everyone does want to contribute some way. And, remind him that the buy/sell of speakers/magazines, etc. contributes too. Maybe that will spur him on.

    Good luck!

  7. PatientSaver Says:

    Oh, dear. I thought all this was behind you too. The thing is, even if he is just playing/trading with his own money, it will still affect you if he loses big. Can he at least agree to begin with relatively small amounts, so that any loss doesn't swamp your boat? He may not be so enamored with the idea once he suffers a few losses and realizes they are permanent. That money you worked so hard for is gone, period.

    Trading is not that far removed from gambling, and gambling can be addictive for certain types of people. Please keep a watchful eye on your husband.

    I like your pic. I actually have a desk you can lower/raise with a motor and I used it exactly one time. It's sort of like an exercise bike. You may use it a bit early on as a novelty, but after a while, that wears off. At least that's how it seems with me. I hope you will be different.

  8. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    To your comment of: I wish we'd done that - You are doing it now. Some things in marriage take a while to settle, and they need to be revisited for quite a while during the settling. (Just reiterating what Stephanie said above.) I don't know if there is really any good guideline about when to speak up and when to back down. But I do know it is too easy to accommodate bad behavior in order to keep the peace. People who want their way - know what buttons to push. Hence, perhaps, his assertion that you are controlling, rather than his admiration for your money management skills.

    And, doesn't he already have $5000 to play with?

    Feel free to delete this one too. Wink

  9. Carol Says:

    I love the picture-- you (and desk) look great!
    You will figure this out, but it will take lots more talking, I am afraid. Years ago, hubby and I went to a financial advisor who gave us a quiz. Our differences about money came from deep, childhood stuff. Luckily, they have grown way more similar over the years.

  10. snafu Says:

    Great photo, hope you enjoy your new up/down desk.

    Does DH have a background in economics or finance? Does he have a promotional no fee/low fee trading ROTH a/c? Does he delve into Baltic shipping numbers or follow seasonal trading patterns from 'experts' like Don Vialoux [sorry don't know USA equivalent] I'm really bothered by the fact that DH is gambling with your money, he thus far, has 'no skin in the game.' While you were using earnings to create your retirement plan, it appears he was 'investing' in electronics, magazines and fun stuff that could be sold.. I'd expect to see major effort to turn stuff no longer used or needed into cash for this new, day trading endeavour.

    I have the impression that DH doesn't understand this is a long Bull run that is oddly not following history since administration is near to being charged if one believes gossip. Do you remember how 2008 took our breath away?

  11. Frugaltexan75 Says:

    Thanks everyone. I did allocate 5k for him to play with. He thinks that’s not enough to do anything really lucrative with. So since he’s not getting his way on using half of r checking to play with he’s going after the ROTH.

    I had a thought this morning- let him hav the fence money. He wants the fence a lot more than I do. If he loses it then the fence will be a lot more years coming. That way the ROTH money will be safe.

    What I really don’t get is that even at the end of December when I suggested having a discussion of any changes to goals or budget planning he said it was going fine and no reason to make any changes. Then he gets the bee in his bonnet a about this and suddenly he’s not happy with thing and I’m making all the decisions.

  12. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:

    "I did allocate 5k for him to play with. He thinks that’s not enough to do anything really lucrative with. "

    I'm sorry, but this seems like a red flag to me. 5k is a significant amount of money.

  13. another reader2 Says:

    Right on board with people who love you and care about you. I think it's so difficult to negotiate money in marriage if people aren't on the same page. Laura, you have a long history of being able to plan for expenses, delay gratification and you do amazing at it. I'm not sure your husband knows how to do that. I think it's a bit of impulsive stuff and you're not impulsive so it would be hard to understand it. Can people learn to delay gratification? Or like Carol mentioned...is it part of our deeply ingrained experiences from growing up? I think it's really smart of you to consider using the fence money. He has choices and you're not the bad spouse who is so controlling. It's so challenging when how he does money will also impact you. I remember when my now ex-husband and I were starting out and money was tight, we had equal allowances but he smoked and so he went through his money faster because of it. Natural consequences... I hope the two of you can work out something together. Personally, I think slow and steady wins the race....quick rich schemes never work.

  14. Frugaltexan75 Says:

    Petunia, about 15 years ago he had 25k from the sale of a business that he used to say trade for a few months. He made some, but lost most of the profit in fees. So I think that’s the perspective he’s coming from.

    Thank you AR2. I haven’t always been good at it. Came from some tough life lessons.

  15. rob62521 Says:

    Great score on the standing desk. Glad it is working out and the fatigue mat will be a great addition.

    So sorry about the money issues.

  16. Dido Says:

    Great photo and enjoy the standing desk.

    I'm sorry the marital stress over the money is still there.

    I HATE it that YOUR debt related goal is to pay off *DH's* student loans. That just points out that when you are married, it's a household budget, not an individual one.

    That 5K he already has to "play" with (cringe) is significant. Is the Roth his only retirement plan money or does he have a qualified plan at work as well? If the latter, then let him "play" with his Roth or the fence money and maybe he'll learn a lesson. But if that's his only retirement plan money, then I guess I'd go with a more cautious approach, and in particular, go back to the plan of making him sell his unused stuff to get the money to gamble with (since that is what daytrading is).. Sometimes people have a bad experience and then learn their lesson and are better with their finances afterward (like you), but others get hooked into the gambling mentality and intensify the gambling after a loss in a desperate attempt at recovery.

  17. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Thanks Rob.

    Dido,

    The 5k is outside of his ROTH. The ROTH is his only retirement money. About $8k in there I think. $7k contributions plus growth.

    He's not going to sell stuff unless he really wants to, and who knows when or if that'll happen. He's got his mind set that he's going to do what he wants to do - and at this point I don't know if he;ll listen to any cautions from me. We'll see. Tonight is supposed to be our date night though I don't feel much like it at all.

  18. PatientSaver Says:

    Um, yeah, I would not make it my duty to pay off HIS loans when he is gambling, yes, gambling, with household funds.

  19. Shiela Says:

    So has your DH have been learning about the stock market for the last 15 years (since he started)? If he is doing it to learn then let him have a couple thousand dollars but he need to show that he is not just gambling. Trading is hard work. It is not just about picking stocks, you need to understand risk and money management and most of all you need to understand yourself.

    Hope you guys can work together in this or get to some kind of compromise.

  20. Joanne Says:

    Hope that you and your husband work this out. You sound really respon s ible and caring. I don't know the amount tjat he owes for his student loans but Iwould tell him to put the five thousand dollars to his loans. I think that you should follow your instincts. Or leep your finances separately
    Good luck.

  21. Frugaltexan75 Says:

    Thanks everyone for your comments and support. We had a good discussion tonight and cleared the air. We’ve agreed for one thing to not bring up potentially hot topics at 4 am. Smile I’m not at my best then and can be a bit over reactive. He told me he understood my thinking better. He also told me that he hadn’t been thinking of using half the checking money but going through carefully and picking categories that weren’t critical - like the fence fund!

    So I feel as though we’ve come to an agreement we both can live with.

  22. Dido Says:

    Glad to hear you have come to an agreement so you can enjoy your date night. Understanding each others' thinking is so key. Agreeing not to discuss touchy topics at 4 a.m. is a good move!

    Enjoy your date night. This is a long-haul issue and there will be more to be dealt with, but get yourselves back on an even keel for now.

  23. livingalmostlarge Says:

    I guess what you can live with is best. We can give advice but you don't have to hear about it. Also agree on not discussing things at 4 am. OMG. I'd be a cranky person at that hour period. Not exactly easy to agree on anything.

    I don't know what I would do. For a few years I allowed my DH to daytrade in oil commodities our Roth IRA. I forgo control because I was tired from kids and exhausted. Well we lost a bundle of money. A TON of money. But it's fine. Taught him a good long term lesson and now we don't fight about etfs/index funds.

    I always preached since we met about etfs. He always listened to his mom about beating the market. Turns out he can't and I bet she can't either. Anyway that being said it was a lot of money. MEH!

    He gave up around 2015 and I took back control around then too. Now we're invested in index fund and I've sectored them out and balanced it across the entire portfolio. It took awhile to clean up but I'm feeling more destressed.

    I admit to causing the problem by getting absorbed with my kids and letting our finances go on auto-pilot. We saved lived on a 'budget' and I knew we were invested in stock market. Other than that I have to admit to not caring enough from about 2010-2014.
    investments but I was so tired.

  24. ceejay74 Says:

    I'd guess we're in for a wild ride for who knows how long with the stock markets now. Should be a good test of his ability (or luck)!! Big Grin

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