So last night DH and I were discussing what we were going to do for dinner. Thursday nights are his night to "do" dinner.
(Background - We only have two nights a week where we can have dinner together. Sundays I have the most energy, so that's my day. Thursdays I have little energy, so that became his day. I am vegetarian, leaning towards vegan. DH is meat and potatoes and tolerates veggies and "fake" meats.)
DH half-teasingly suggests pizza. To which I remind him that I do NOT want pizza again, at least not for a few weeks. I suggest that we make something at home. He tells me that we don't have anything that he can make anything with! So I suggest - bean burritos, or spaghetti, or fried rice w/veggies. All of which he rejects for various reasons.
We ended up ordering from a Chinese restaurant. So, I got my veggies, and he got his chicken.
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Today when I got home I told him that I'd like to hash out the groceries thing on Thursday.
Based on several comments he's made, I'm not sure if the way we're doing things is really working or not.
He eats a lot of his meals from 'bad orders" at the place he works at. Rarely does he buy stuff from the grocery store to make at home.
I of course get all of my food from the grocery store ... I ask him often if I can get anything for him, and try to get things that I think he'll eat.
But then ... he says there's nothing he can make anything with in the house.
So ... based on knowing we only eat two meals together each week, and have quite different views on what constitutes "good" food ...
What, if any, suggestions do you all have? How can we figure this out so that he feels like there is food he can make stuff with in the house (and which may be slightly healthier than the restaurant fare)?
I'm tired of having take out be the defacto go to when its his turn to figure dinner out.
We spent nearly $60 on take out last month, and are on track to spend more than that this month. I really don't like that - it feels like we are going backwards. (When I first moved out here, we were eating out almost every single day. After about three weeks of that, I told him that my unemployed wallet and my waistline couldn't handle that anymore. So, that's when we started doing a meal 1x a month only. Which held til our honeymoon and moving into the house... Now it's 1 or 2 x a week!
Groceries ... Suggestions?
October 22nd, 2016 at 01:51 am
October 22nd, 2016 at 02:40 am 1477104026
October 22nd, 2016 at 04:17 am 1477109876
One thing you really might want to look into is crock pot cooking for his meals. There are a lot of them you can put all the raw ingredients together and freeze, then the night before you put it in the fridge to thaw or semi-thaw, dump it in the crock pot in the morning and cook on low all day. It helps to get the type of crock pot that you can program the time into and that switches to warm when it is done cooking.
Unfortunately with vegetarianism there is not a ton you can do in the crock pot if you are gone all day since most crock pot meals like that only cook about 3 hours and don't do well being left on warm all day after that. But you can do big batches of stuff on a day off and freeze several servings for the future that you can take out to thaw 24 hours in advance, it could help. I'd suggest making big pots of vegetarian chili, spaghetti sauce with whatever meat substitute you use and then keep angel hair pasta on hand since it is ready in just a few minutes, bean burritos or enchiladas (use those aluminum 8 x 8 inch pans to do 4 or loaf pans to do 2 and freeze several), vegetarian taco meat divided up into meal size servings and the same with actual taco meat for him (he can decide what his serving size is) with taco shells or tortillas and cheese and lettuce on hand, any kind of soup that doesn't have dairy or noodles in it since they don't freeze very well, and stir-fry kits.
With the stir-fry kits you or he can pre-cut the meat and put it in a separate baggy for him with half cup soy sauce, garlic, and ginger, then chop all the veggies, or better still, get pre-cut already frozen veggies and then just divide them into a gallon ziploc. Put your fake meat into a separate baggy and again add half cup soy sauce, garlic and ginger. Then put it altogether and freeze it. Thaw the meat and fake meat 24 hours before using.
Do it on a day you are not exhausted. You have to make it easy and doable for the rest of the week or the month. It needs to be excuse proof. Planning it out works. Not planning ends in take out.
October 22nd, 2016 at 04:42 am 1477111322
Do you do a weekly shop? Maybe you could make a week's menu and have him choose what he's going to cook over the weekend before you go shopping. Then you buy the ingredients so he no longer has that excuse. We also have a shared Google Drive spreadsheet so any of us can add things during the week that we think of or run out of. But it sounds like you need to get him in the habit of thinking of a specific meal before you do the grocery shopping.
Easy meal ideas that aren't 100% from scratch: chili and crackers, veggie burgers and salad, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, vegetable curry over rice, bean burritos, spaghetti and spinach-tomato sauce.
October 22nd, 2016 at 06:04 am 1477116269
October 22nd, 2016 at 11:52 am 1477137134
October 22nd, 2016 at 12:28 pm 1477139316
October 22nd, 2016 at 12:56 pm 1477140977
I know that even for myself, if at least part of the meal is somewhat prepared, I am more inclined to go ahead and whip up the planned meal than eat out. But if I've had a crap day and have to face starting a meal from scratch, that can be overwhelming sometimes.
October 22nd, 2016 at 01:38 pm 1477143487
I'd work on building up a list of meals that are easy to prepare. & then you can consult the list when you are feeling stuck. & if he's unwilling to plan ahead then that will mean a grocery run + making dinner. I guess saying that if he doesn't want to plan ahead and add things to your grocery list, why doesn't he plan ahead a few hours or a day ahead, on his own time? That is what I do, personally, since I am not a meal planner-aheader and my husband does weekly grocery shopping.
& on a website like Taste of Home you can search meals that are very quick to prepare. Use that as a starting point for some ideas.
I think alice4now's suggestion is great. Maybe do prepared food as some kind of a transitional stage. The goal would be to get more in the midset of just eating at home. It's a really small step from that to "5 minute meals" that you can make from scratch.
October 22nd, 2016 at 07:08 pm 1477163305
Homemade Pizza (chef boy r dee box mix only), cottage cheese roast, tater tot casserole and spaghetti are the main meals we sort of agree on. I've tried making them "healthier" but that just results in grumbles. But those meals still would probably be healthier and cheaper than eating out...
He does make a really good omelette w/hashbrowns ... It's just all of these meals contain copious amounts of egg/dairy/fat ...which I'm trying to move away from. One meal plus leftovers a week like that won't kill me I guess. Especially if we have either broccoli or brussell sprouts on the side.
I will broach the idea of meal planning with him. Maybe with cold weather coming, he'd go for a stew of some kind where we can each add our choice of "meat"
I'll check out taste of home for their quick meals minute meal sounds great.
October 22nd, 2016 at 07:35 pm 1477164946
October 22nd, 2016 at 08:26 pm 1477168018
October 22nd, 2016 at 09:31 pm 1477171900
October 23rd, 2016 at 05:19 pm 1477243163
http://allrecipes.com/recipes/11978/everyday-cooking/cookware-and-equipment/pressure-cooker/
How are you enjoying your Hot Pot, electronic pressure cooker. I suggest spending a part of each Sunday, preparing foods that can be combined in various ways to offer you each meals you will eat whether together or eating separately, nearly instant table ready. For example, each Sunday Hot Pot can quickly cook whatever meat item DH prefers bagged and frozen.
For example, some cut of pork like tenderloin, butt/shoulder or more expensive pork chops. Next, less costly whole chicken, if DH is willing to cut and portion, or parts package of highly flavored thigh or legs. Any cuts of beef at sale priced, cut to fit Hot Pot’s dimensions. Ground beef is best sautéed with trinity [onion, celery, carrot [diced].
Hot pot will cook any dried beans you’ll eat for Chili, Tex Mex, stew or home made soup with meat portion to be added or not.
All these portions can be used to top whatever carb you like… 72 types of pasta, a dozen potato styles, brown rice, yams etc.
Salad and frozen veggies DH will eat creates a meal with choices limited only to imagination.
You both seem to like Chinese foods and most sauces are a combos of 5 spice, hoisin, soya, vinegar, honey/sugar, oil, tapioca powder. You might expand Asian choices to include Singaporean, Indonesian, Malay, Korean even Indian.
https://www.cookscountry.com/recipes/7589-slow-cooker-chinese-barbecued-pork
October 23rd, 2016 at 05:47 pm 1477244834
For example, the rules could be that the meal must be vegetarian and that it must cost less than take-out (and not BE take-out). He can decide what it is, he can grocery shop for the ingredients, etc.
Then, you could always make sure that you've got ingredients for a healthy salad on hand: baby spinach, red bell pepper, pumpkin seeds, shredded carrots, sun-dried tomatoes, olive oil/garlic/lemon juice for dressing...
When he makes his meal, if it's healthy, eat it 50-50 with your side salad. If it's not-so-healthy, eat it 25%-75% with your side salad. Always express appreciation for his willingness to cook and stop stressing over it. The worst that could happen: he breaks a rule and serves take-out. In that case, you could skip his meal altogether and eat a huge salad of your own. (and let him know how disappointing it is that he didn't plan for your meal together, hurt the budget, etc.) You would also be taking a stand on your commitment to adopt a healthy lifestyle regardless of his choices.
I hope this doesn't come across as preachy! You've been working so hard to be healthier - I really want to see you succeed.
October 23rd, 2016 at 10:11 pm 1477260703
Thanks Snafu - I have been using my Instapot quite a bit. Figuring out food for myself isn't the issue. It's figuring out food he'll willingly choose to make for his night. Also just making sure he feels like there's stuff here he wants when he decides to make something for himself at home instead of eating from bad orders at work.
Thanks Jenn. No, it doesn't come across as preachy at all. I don't mind going out / ordering out 1 or 2 x a month, just not every week... What you're talking about is kind of what I do - eat a portion of what he made, and then a large portion of a veggie I put together. (Am not a salad person at all.) I always tell him that I appreciate what he does for me (although it's rarely returned, especially when he doesn't like what I made. he's got the idea that he should only show appreciation for things he likes ... not for "just" the effort or thought behind it. We were raised very differently.)
I think I'll probably suggest a combination of the ideas here - have us come up with a list of possible meal ideas that we can agree on, but have him be responsible for picking up whatever ingredients are necessary.
We also need to figure out this ... before he left for work yesterday, I told him that I was going to Walmart and Aldi's. I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to pick up for him. He tells me no. So ... I didn't get anything with him specifically in mind. I picked up stuff for what I needed. When he got home from work, he asked me what I'd gotten, and then acted like he was unhappy that I didn't pick up anything that sounded good to him. Arghh!!! Not a mind reader!
October 24th, 2016 at 03:53 pm 1477324382
I've also had to harp on the fact that appreciation should be shown for family members' good deeds and efforts. Somewhat for myself, but especially for the kids -- I think it's a British thing where you scold your kids for the bad things but just expect the good and don't praise. I praise nearly every little thing they do right, even if it's just the baseline level of expected behavior, because I want to incentivize the good habits! Plus it balances out the negativity of correcting bad habits/behavior.
October 24th, 2016 at 04:19 pm 1477325943
Last night at his company 's 2015 Christmas party was a good example of how different are upbringing was - I told him that before we left we should find the host and thank them. He was like, nobody does that. I told him that's how I was taught- - you never leave a party/event without thanking the host. I'll admit that it was apparent the host was not used to being thanked, which was a little funny/awkward.
October 25th, 2016 at 08:23 pm 1477426986
Also - I recently signed up for the weekly Meal Mentor recipe plan, and while I still haven't gotten the hang of batch cooking all of my meals on Sunday, my small efforts so far have made life much easier during the week.
October 25th, 2016 at 11:42 pm 1477438932