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DHs sister

June 23rd, 2017 at 08:50 pm

DH's sister has been in the hospital this past week. She is being sent home tomorrow for hospice care. As we found out today at the family meeting, she has been under treatment for her liver disease (possibly liver failure) for at least the past year. The first we learned of it was about 4 months ago - and not from her, but from DH's step brother.

It looks as though her time left may be measured in weeks, and not months. I feel bad because I still really don't know her. We've tried to reach out and spend time with her, but she hasn't been very receptive.

So now we're having the discussions about what her wishes are for after she dies.

I thought I would have liked to have had this time with my dad, so I could have had the tough conversations, but I'm not so sure now. Maybe the quick, painful rip is better than the slow, excruciating tear.

She has no estate to speak of, and anything she did have would be eaten by debt. So taking care of that shouldn't take too much time hopefully.

We're kind of frustrated with the hospital - it seems like they don't have great communication amoungst their departments. We've had so many things that don't jive told to us .. like it was stressed to us that we needed have a decision from her on a DNR and life support by tonight. So DH spent at least an hour trying to get her to make a decision, and I tried for about ten minutes.

I saw DH getting increasingly frustrated, so I suggested calling the hospice nurse. I went out of the room and did that - and was told to not worry about getting any of the paperwork done right now. It could wait til next week.

Ugh. Just one example.

Just a note - please have your wishes for your final days set out for family members *before* it comes to something like this.

Financially ... this is going to cost us something at least. We'll probably go with cremation (which we'll probably end up paying for.) There may or may not be a memorial service - if there is one, it'll be kept very simple. Since again, we'll probably end up footing most of the bill.

Don't get cirrhosis of the liver. It's not a fun thing at all.

12 Responses to “DHs sister”

  1. My English Castle Says:

    I'm so sorry to hear this, Laura. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH's family.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    I'm sorry as well. If she is unable to make decisions, whatever you decide will be okay. We are all doing our best on this earth.

  3. Dido Says:

    I'm so sorry for the rough time your family is going through right now, and I hope that all is as easy as it can be for all concerned.

  4. MonkeyMama Says:


  5. Laura Says:

    Prayers for all. How sad.

    I believe if she is in hospice they follow the protocol of DNR. They are there for her comfort. I'd deal with one designated person at the hospital - there should be a care coordinator/facilitator. Have only one rep speak for the sister with one witness.

  6. snafu Says:

    {{{{Hugs}}} Sad situation, many decisions and so much responsibility in a compressed time frame.

  7. ceejay74 Says:

    Sorry to hear this. It's too bad when an already sad situation is made even worse by lack of communication and tensions. I hope we don't have to deal with this sort of thing for many years, but I have a feeling with AS's family it'll be similarly hard. ((hugs))

  8. Carol Says:

    So sorry.

  9. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Thanks all.

    Laura - They gave us a packet of paperwork including power of attorney, DNR, life support, etc. The first hospice nurse who spoke with us told us they could be there as much as she needs, but not 24/7. The next one who spoke with us told us they could come for one - two hours a day max. She's also the one who was pushing for the paperwork to get signed - I had to leave to go back to work while my DH was talking to her, so I don't know if he just misunderstood.

  10. rob62521 Says:

    This is tough on you and yours in so many ways.

  11. VS_ozgirl Says:

    Very sorry to hear your sad news and wishing you the strength to get through a few very difficult weeks, thinking of you both.

  12. scottish girl Says:

    Im so sorry. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

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