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Looking For Your Opinions

September 14th, 2014 at 02:23 pm

So I was talking with my mom a little last night, and she asked me if I had thought about joining a certain singles website that caters to ONLY people of my faith. I told her I had not thought about it, and that it seemed way too soon.

After we stopped talking though, I thought about it more. I realized that both times before when I was in a serious relationship, I gave myself YEARS afterwards before looking again. I'm nearly 39. I don't really have that luxury of time anymore.

So I decided that I may as well create a profile and see what happens. I have done everything necessary except for submitting a full length photo - will have to find someone to do that.

Anyway, as people who have read a lot about my life and thinking over the years, I thought maybe some of you might be able to offer me some pointers or insights into what I put into the free writing sections.

I especially would like feedback on the "What I don't want" section. (I only have 600 characters for each of these sections, so if you can think of ways to condense some of what I'm saying so I can add more ... Big Grin )

What I Want in a Partner:
I want my best friend. Someone I can laugh with, play with, be serious with, share all the good, bad and in-between events of life with, knowing that no matter what we are there for each other. I am looking for a partner - someone who understands that a relationship is a two way street, and wants to learn and grow together in studying God's word. At the same time understands nobody is perfect. Someone who can be happy staying at home, but also enjoys going out and being active together. Someone who understands the importance of family, but also prioritizes our relationship.

What I Don't Want
I do not need someone who holds on to grudges for a long time. I do not need someone who is content to be at home anytime they are not at work. I do not want someone with a nighttime work schedule. I do not need someone who thinks that making fun of others is humorous. I do not need someone who does not see how vandalizing another person's property is wrong. I do not need a food critic. I do not need someone who is ultra-conservative in their faith.

What I Offer a Partner:
I am a giving, caring, generous person who loves with her whole heart. I am a good listener and will be your biggest cheerleader. I love going walking in the woods and spotting animals, or doing bodyweight exercises. I love animals and children. I volunteer at the local no-kill cat shelter, and have taught Primary Sabbath School before in a previous church. I just recently moved to where I am, so am still looking for ways to get involved.

Intro Note: (The first thing they see - have lots of characters left on this one.)
Hi, If you are seeing this then this must mean that we share some interests. If you like to make people laugh, enjoy going for walks and talking about life, and would like a partner to enjoy life with, then give me a look. Smile

My relationship with the church and God
My dad was an SDA minister for 34 years. When I was 9 I asked to be baptized, and he convinced me to wait til I was 11. I have always known in my heart that God is a loving Father - it is something I have never questioned. What I have struggled with is my relationship with the church. I grew up going every Sabbath. Then some events happened with my family and it caused me to stay away for several years, going sporadically. Now I go much more regularly, having recognized its importance in my life and walk with Christ.


So ... what do you think?

19 Responses to “Looking For Your Opinions”

  1. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    1410703002

    Under Don't Want-- making fun of others, vandalizing, food critic. These all sound like actual experiences you've had, they are so specific. How about if you twist them around and put them under "What I want"? Like --Someone who speaks kindly of others, naturally respects others' property, easily enjoys all kinds of cooking. Or, maybe those actually are some of your own positive traits that you would like to put in your own profile somewhere. Putting it elsewhere would show that these are important to you without suggesting that maybe you have a hang-up about these issues.

  2. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1410703162

    Thanks Joan! I was wondering about that very thing. It's hard to know how to put what I Do not want without sounding hyper negative or specific.

  3. wowitsawonderfullife Says:
    1410708532

    I agree with Joan. She makes it sound much more positive.

    Under what I don't want I see that you have changed the word "want" into "need". That's very interesting.

    I'd be specific about things like smoking/drinking/married men/children/gambling and pet peeves like neatness etc. in the don't wants.

    I am thrilled you are doing this for yourself Laura!

  4. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1410711359

    how about something like:

    I am a giving, caring, generous person who loves with her whole heart. I am a good listener and will be your biggest cheerleader. *I am financially responsible, and enjoy cooking for someone who appreciates the effort. I believe that all people should be shown respect, no matter who they are or how they behave.* I love going walking in the woods, as well as going to concerts and plays where I can get dressed up. I love animals and children. I volunteer at the local no-kill cat shelter, and have taught Primary Sabbath School before in a previous church. I just recently moved to where I am, so am still looking for ways to get involved.

    What I don't want:
    I don't want someone who cannot pick up after themselves, who has more than 3 pets, who views pornography on any scale, who is not able to accept that their viewpoint isn't the only correct one, who gambles, or is too conservative in their faith.

    Then somehow add in the what I want section about similar schedules .. ?

  5. wowitsawonderfullife Says:
    1410713966

    Yes, that sounds great! I think the "don't want" is fantastic. It is a good and honest summary.

  6. scfr Says:
    1410714282

    My only suggestion about your most recent update for "what you don't want" is to list them in order of priority. Is not viewing pornography more important than not picking up after themselves? If so, put no pornography first.

  7. scottish girl Says:
    1410721618

    I think it's great that you're doing this Smile

  8. Petunia in a Flower Garden Says:
    1410726956

    I have friends (at church!) who met in their late 30's using a faith-based match site and have been happily married for about ten years. Best wishes on this adventure!

  9. laura Says:
    1410730825


    I can also attest to having friends who met on catholicmatch. Both were 40 year old devout Catholics, never having been married before. They were married on 11/15/13 and we just visited them at the hospital yesterday where their baby girl was born. Smile

  10. LuckyRobin Says:
    1410734646

    You might want to mention something about being vegetarian. You mentioned cooking, but if you end up dating a meat eater are you going to be willing to do that kind of cooking? Are you going to be happy in a relationship where that might be an issue, having meat in the house? It's a pretty big thing to leave out of your information. You could end up being paired up with a beef farmer, LOL.

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1410735344

    Thank you everyone for your ideas and comments Smile
    LR - the questionnaire does ask about eating habits, but reiterating it probably isn't a bad idea. Smile

  12. Tabs Says:
    1410803535

    I think you should definitely add your profile as soon as possible, and I am happy to see that you are willing to do so. Life simply doesn't wait for anyone, and even if you are not ready to start a new relationship at this moment, it's always something you can add to any prospective men that you meet. A decent man will wait for you.

    As for the profile, I like it. So long as you like it, and it is you being you, it is fine. I have seen people make some pointers that are towards the gimmicky, even though it may work, but I've always avoided gimmicky tricks myself. Well that's assuming when I actually do make a profile, as I currently do not have I.

  13. Tabs Says:
    1410804752

    On an unrelated search, I stumbled across this
    Text is eligible gentleman and Link is http://i.imgur.com/Vj8kAs1.jpg
    eligible gentleman. Ladies, he's available!

  14. Looking Forward Says:
    1410996295

    I wouldn't put a limit on # of pets.. of course that's coming from me Wink... it almost sounds like you don't like animals, which I know is not true.
    What if a potential match has five fish and a cat? He would have too many pets? Big Grin

  15. Looking Forward Says:
    1410996392

    P.S. Best of luck! I think this is a great idea.

  16. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1411002343

    Thanks Tabs Smile
    LF - How can I word it efficiently though? I just don't want to get into another situation where there are multiple to the extreme cats. It was so overwhelming at times. I'd be fine with five fish, two or three cats, two or three dogs, and a tankful of turtles. It's just when the dogs or cats are more than a few, it's just too much. Unless maybe you have a HUGE place to spread them out in.

    thanks Smile

  17. Looking Forward Says:
    1411086234

    I just wouldn't say anything at all. I'd try to keep the "Don't List" short and sweet.
    Like:
    No Smokers.
    No one who laughs at the expense of others or is unkind.
    No unmotivated slobs.
    No one who keeps more pets than they can properly care for.

    (You are going to have the opportunity to connect, talk, meet and/or date - at any point you can see for yourself what the pet situation is.)

  18. PatientSaver Says:
    1411252168

    As a veteran ...you might say "survivor" of dating websites, I can tell you that the vast majority of men don't even read your profile, or if they do, they only read the 1st few lines. They mainly go by your photo. I know this because I've been contacted by many men who failed to see the last thing I put in my written profile, which was that I was looking to meet someone LOCAL, and I had people from out of state constantly contacting me.

  19. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1411256303

    Thanks LF. I finished my profile tonight. (Found a decent full figure photo) and didn't put anything in about pets. Smile
    PS - I know what you are talking about. Smile Some do though, like my exbf. Many times in our conversations he would mention something that had been in my profile .. some things I'd even forgotten about. Smile

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