First of all I want to say how much I appreciate all of your kind words and support regarding the loss of my job. It was a tremendous comfort.
Like I feared, I am having extreme pressure put on me now to go to CA.
I really don't know what to do. I've tried to make the pro and con's lists - logically and emotionally. But what gets me every time is that either way I'm going to end up hurting one parent or the other.
The loss of my job and the feelings of being rejected are really hitting me hard. I really don't know how people cope with this who don't have supportive family and friends. I really don't. Because I'm just barely hanging on.
My brother and I talked for a long time tonight. He's trying very very hard to be objective and not pressuring me one way or the other. He suggested that maybe I should take off on a cruise or something for a few days - basically get out of range and see if I can get my head clear.
As nice as a cruise sounds, I know I wouldn't feel at all comfortable spending that much money with no income to replace it. But, I think he is right in the concept - maybe just get away somewhere for a few days and be "out of range".
I'm really really tempted to call my ex in Lincoln. The last time I heard from him was nearly a year ago via email. But of everybody I know in real life, I think he'd have the best ability to be impartial and clear headed. But to open that can again probably would be a mistake.
I stay here in Dallas - my mom's happy, and I get to continue to watch my best friend's kids grow up. Kid's I fed bottles to when they both were barely a week old. But the possibility of me remaining single is pretty high.
I go to CA - my dad, my brother, other dad side relatives are happy. I maybe have a better chance of meeting an SDA man. I maybe have a better chance of being in an environment accepting of my lifestyle choices. I maybe have a chance to get to know my uncle's two little ones whom I haven't seen since they were 3 and 5.
I think by saying the only way I'd move to CA was if I had a job lined up, I allowed myself to not really have to make a decision. Now that I don't *have* a job here or in CA, I don't really have a good way of getting out of making a decision.
There are job possibilities which I could pursue here in Texas - but what if staying here really isn't the right decision? If I get another job here, then I'm making the decision to stay.
I'm so frustrated and confused about what to do right now that I could scream!
Feeling tugged in two directions
February 16th, 2009 at 02:16 am
February 16th, 2009 at 02:32 am 1234751536
(hugs) I am sorry to hear of your situation. No doubt a tough place to be. I don't think that either place would be better than the other (given your pros/cons listed), just a different group of people aroud who love you. Maybe it is best to just pick up as many hours as you can get at the gym and let things settle for a few days before even thinking about it. Catch up on sleep, read a good book, etc. Take care and keep your chin up. The rejection wasn't at all personal. You will be OK!
February 16th, 2009 at 04:31 am 1234758687
February 16th, 2009 at 04:47 am 1234759658
Thanks Ray. That's just the problem though - I really am not sure what I want. Ugh!
February 16th, 2009 at 05:56 am 1234763795
February 16th, 2009 at 06:22 am 1234765340
February 16th, 2009 at 06:22 am 1234765353
February 16th, 2009 at 06:25 am 1234765525
Funny you would say that. A friend of mine suggested a job possibility near Houston. Not particularly a city I'd be excited about living in/near - but it would give me a chance to refresh my friendship with this person (we first met when we were teens.) Neither my mom nor my dad would be very happy about Houston.
February 16th, 2009 at 01:05 pm 1234789527
But could it be best if you were to simply to go to wherever you have the best job opportunities? You know? Then, regardless of who is "hurt" by your relocation decision, at least they should understand that you went there because of a job.
February 16th, 2009 at 01:46 pm 1234791971
February 16th, 2009 at 02:37 pm 1234795050
Tell everyone you aren't making any life changing decisions for at least a month. Then find a nice quiet park to sit in, bring a notebook, and write everything out!
February 16th, 2009 at 05:00 pm 1234803646
Ima - thank you.
Kashi - Heh. Try telling my dad that. "You've got so many family connections out here! You'll have a job in no time! Your Aunt ..... and your Aunt ..... and your Uncle ...... know so many people - they just need to call it in!" But Dad - CA is on the list of worst states to find a job in right now. "That's for people without connections! TX won't be any better or worse!" But Dad, TX is number 8 on the list of states to find a job in. "Yeah, but you've got so many CONNECTions here in CA!" Ugh! I know he's doing this because he loves me and wants me to be happy - but convos like that, make me want to pull my hair out.
February 16th, 2009 at 06:11 pm 1234807879
And** not only do you have the job issue to think about, but you would have moving expenses and the hassle of hooking up utilities and all the fun stuff required when you move.
February 16th, 2009 at 07:01 pm 1234810861
February 16th, 2009 at 07:12 pm 1234811535
February 16th, 2009 at 07:15 pm 1234811740