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Do I Stay or do I Go?

June 4th, 2008 at 04:33 am

Warning: Long post ahead.

As I mentioned in my last posting, la familia de California are seriously trying to get me to move out there. They've tried to get me to go out there before, but I previously had great resistance. My resistance now is not so great.

All of this may be a moot point if my two requirements don't happen - namely (1) situation w/family member resolved; and (2) have a better salary + comparable benefits job lined up.

** If I do decide to go, it most likely would not be till after Feb. 15. Three reasons - 1. 3-yr anniversary at job (looks good on resume and just feels more finished) 2. My apt lease isn't up till March and 3. My brother would most likely be able to fly out here and help me move (slow season for him).

Okay . . so a very preliminary Pros and Cons list. -- I welcome questions and comments to help me flesh out things I haven't thought of. --

Pros for staying in Texas:

- Stay in same apartment

- Freedom and privacy

- Very familiar with surroundings (i.e. don't get lost very often anymore)

- One of my best friends lives here, along with her two children

- My mom lives within a 45 minute drive

- Comfortable with my job

- Job pays me enough to pay my bills and put some in savings

- I like my coworkers

- I have easy access to a gym in the office building

- I have a great personal trainer with whom I have developed a good friendly relationship

Cons for staying in Texas:

* In regards to job and life in general I have been feeling very much at a stand still.

- As much as I hate to say this, I really think that my job is a dead-end. I doubt seriously that I will ever see another raise in the next five years, and if there is one, it probably wouldn't amount to more than 1/2 tank of gas a month.

- While I won't say I hate my job, nor even that I dislike what I do . . . I will say that the thought of doing this for the next 30+ years gives me nightmares.

- Although I do have good health insurance benefits, and my salary does pay me enough to pay my bills and save some -- that is only with being pretty frugal. If my rent were to go up my very much, or if the prices of other essentials were to go up much, etc., etc., then the small bit of money I am able to put to savings now would be gone.

- Although I have big plans and hopes of being able to save enough to replace my car if needed, as well as for a house downpayment -- on what I make + with rising costs, sometimes I feel like it's a lot of bluster without any substance - i.e . impossible.

- I like my coworkers. For the most part it is a good work environment. But sometimes, especially the past few months, I have felt more and more left out. I think this is due to a number of factors -- 1) Two new employees closer in age to another coworker -- 2) My eating and drinking habits i.e. vegetarian and no beer/wine, etc. -- 3) I think sometimes that I talk too much -- 4) other - not really sure.

- My best friend - When we are able to get together, its great! But that's just it. She is married, a teacher, and has two young children. Hence, we don't get together very often.

- I've allowed myself to grow unhappily comfortable in preferring my own company. What do I mean? Even when I do go to church/Sabbath School I have to force myself to make small talk with people. I think in some ways I've forgotten how to really connect or make friendships. -- So, I more often than not excuse myself from even making the effort of going in the first place. There have been many, many weekends where I've cocooned myself in my apartment from Friday after work til Monday morning without leaving it once.

- I'd like to get married someday - but not to just anyone. Here in TX, single men in my age range, who don't drink or smoke, have a good head on their shoulders when it comes to money, share similar views/beliefs about God, and connect with me in the other ways that matter - just don't seem to be here.

Pros about CA:

- Greatly reduced expenses by sharing household with dad and Grandma

- Be able to spend a lot of time with my Grandma who will be 88 in Sept.

- Grandma has mentioned that she'd be ok with my having a cat -- one of the main reasons I have not gotten another cat is that I'm gone so much during the weekdays - there, in CA there would usually be at least one person in the house most of the day - so the cat wouldn't be lonely.

- Have 24/7 access to washer/dryer

- Possibility of much larger salary

- Very good possibility of being in a work environment where my lifestyle choices aren't looked on as odd or different

- Be an inexpensive and short plane ride away from my brother

- May be able to use part of larger salary to actually do some traveling

- Live in an area where being vegetarian is normal and easy to accommodate

- Live in an area where there is a MUCH higher likelihood of meeting someone with similar values/lifestyle

- Give me a bit of a fresh start - maybe feel renewed energy for life

- ???

Cons for CA:

- MOVING

- Sharing space with my grandma and dad (would need to lay down MAJOR ground rules)

- Uncertainty about what kind of work situation/environment I may find myself in

- Leaving the familiar

- Leaving my best friend, as well as another good friend who's moving to Houston soon.

- Not being able to see my mom very often (would involve a longer plane trip)

- Uncertainty that I would actually be able to connect with anyone there better than I have been able to here.

------
Overall, I think the main reason(s) I am even willing to look at this as a possibility is that I feel at such a standstill with my life. I've been feeling for awhile that something really needs to change.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting something different. I wonder, if by staying here in Texas, by staying in a job that I really don't see room for growth in, and by hoping that somehow, someway, something will happen to give me the life I dreamed of when I was 12 - if that just isn't a bit insane.

5 Responses to “Do I Stay or do I Go?”

  1. merch Says:
    1212580506

    Is the real reason you want to stay in Texas a fear of change?

    I read the post and it's not the job. if you saw your friend and mother on holidays, how would that weigh on your decision. Would that be frequent enough?

    But living with family in CA, i think, would be less then ideal. Of course an apartment near them might do. If I were to go to CA, I would go as my own independent woman .. or in my case man.

    If you got a better job in Texas, would you want to stay? Or joined a vegan club in Texas and met people with interests similiar to yourself, would that make you want to stay?

    So I think the whole thing boils down to a fear of change versus stagnation. I would probably do 2 things. Start looking for a job with better opportunities in texas and CA and start joining clubs or groups that have interests aligned with mine.

    You have 8 months to decide on the lease, take the summer to explore. But, I definitely wouold get my own place in CA, if I moved their.

    Good luck. I hope I helped.

  2. monkeymama Says:
    1212585374

    Honestly (this will be an opposite post from my last. Wink )

    Honestly, all I think is you are young and unattached, and you never know until you try.

    I honestly say go for it, and if you regret it, you can always move back, right?

    Kind of my feeling reading it.

    I am kind of with merch on the living with the parents thing, BUT I also know that rents are insane, so not sure it is worth moving unless you can keep your housing costs down for a while. I think you just have to give it a try, and save save save while your living expenses are low. If you were moving most anywhere else, I'd have to agree. But those have got to be some pretty pricey rents. I would most certainly stay with the fam for a while.

  3. luxlivingfrugalis Says:
    1212595910

    Have you tried that meetup website? Or the groups that might show up on Craigslist?

    I don't really have any advice pro or con on the move itself. Like suggested, I'd explore other job ops in your area first while you've got some time to decide.

  4. EvieD Says:
    1212599167



    I got quite the chuckle out of "try finding your own apartment" near your family. (in Cali)

    The main reason she is considering moving is to save on living expenses. If living in Texas is "tight" as it is, there is NO WAY she could live on her own, financially, in California . . . possibly EVAH!




  5. frugaltexan75 Says:
    1212600963

    Merch,

    Fear of change I think is part of why I want to stay in Texas, but I think almost a bigger part of it is a fear of failing. I am worried that even with a change of scenery and job, etc., that nothing will really change.

    Yes, living with my family is definitely not ideal. But the way I'm thinking of doing it is to have a time limit - perhaps two years. That way I know I only have to deal with it for a certain amount of time -- and also know that I have just a certain amount of time to save enough to get into a home of my own.

    If I could get a better paying job here in Texas, it would make it harder for me to see my way clear in going to CA, but it really wouldn't change the other factors much. I have tried to join groups through a website (meetup.com) but everything those groups do revolve around eating out or other things involving money. That wouldn't be so much of a problem if I had a better paying job . . I've also tried to find places to volunteer at - a group feeding homeless and the library. Other than one time for Christmas Eve, I've not heard anything back from the homeless group. As for the library, I've not heard anything back since I did a volunteer interview.

    I do think you're right though. I have the next 8 months or so to see if maybe I can make enough changes right here, or if I'm able to find something great enough in CA to make it a sure fire winner.

    -- My family in CA have very long connections, and my Aunt feels pretty confident she'd be able to help me find a position in the local hospital making at least 2x what I make now. We'll see I guess.

    Monkey Mama,

    You're right. I am still young and unattached. If I'm going to something big and uproot myself, now probably is the time rather than too much later.

    I'd prefer living on my own, but one of my reasons for even considering going out there is the ability to SAVE a lot of money in a much shorter time period than I could here (assuming a larger income as well).

    Lux,

    Like I mentioned to Merch, I have tried out several groups on meetup.com. I have looked on Craigslist at the various groups, but didn't see anything that appealed to me. I think I may try again - both with trying to find a group that appeals to me, and maybe sending my resume out around town - see what comes of it.




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