Saturday:
I made it to the early service. It was pretty good. There was a guest speaker, and for the most part I enjoyed his sermon. The only thing that kind of annoyed me about it though was that he told several stories without the ending. Sabbath School was okay. Jessie made a comment about how long it had been since I'd been there. Nice. Thanks Jess, way to make me feel comfortable coming back. I just was like, yeah, it has been awhile. I left afterwards without really talking to anyone. Next weekend theres supposed to be some kind of young adult retreat - Friday night and all day Saturday - focused on Emotional Health. I'll try it out on Friday night, and then see about Saturday.

When I got home I really was kind of planning on just vegging out, and reading a book. My mom called me though and invited me to an early supper with her and her fiance Dave at Olive Garden. Well, now how could I resist an invite to Olive Garden, just my very favorite resturant! So, I did veg out a bit, but just ate a light snack. But did spend some time writing an email back to my ex-bf Scott. I copied and pasted the one he hadn't received, and then just updated it.

I also finally opened up the home business package I'd received on Tuesday. It turns out it was for the company Herbalife. Wish I would've known that before ordering the package. It would've saved me some time, as well as my "personal coach." Oh well, I knew it sounded to good to be true.

Supper at Olive Garden went well. I was kind of in a talkative mode I guess, and sort of almost took over the conversation. Mom did tell me that Ryan had called and apologized about the whole check mess. I was glad to hear that.

After supper, we went to the Saturday evening service at Prestonwood Baptist Church, which my mom's fiance Dave is a member of. I'd heard advertisements on the radio before of it, but had never seen it. OH MY! It is HUGE! Let me put it this way - It has a membership of 25k. It has two bookstores, and a Starbucks. On Sundays it apparentally has 400 different Sunday School classes. It felt almost like one of our college campuses, but it was only a church. The service itself was pretty good. Great music, and the sermon was on 1 Corr 3:1-8. The pastor basically talked about how Christians should have joy in all things, no matter what.

After the service, I went back home and spent way too much time on the internet again. One thing I did was write back the divorced OK guy and basically told him that I would be fine corresponding with him as a friend, but I didn't feel comfortable with anything more than that until the "waiting period" was officially over. I also told him that with the way my life is right now, I wasn't really sure that I should be considering getting into a relationship, at least not until I have a firmer idea of what direction I'm going to take. I also told him that I wasn't totally sure that I was completely over my ex-bf (which is true, though I don't think I could ever give him a second chance even if he were to ask for it.) Anyway, I think it did the trick. He hasn't responded to me, even though I've seen him on the site a number of times since then.

Sunday:
Well, I WAS going to go see the movie "Wedding Date" at the dollar theatre, but got distracted doing things on the internet again. I really don't get how I can waste so much time on the net. I didn't get anything done today. I didn't do laundry, I didn't do lesson plans, I still haven't done a trash run (which I *must* do tonight)! I didn't even watch Desperate Housewives or read any of my book! UGH!

I really think I'm going to regret not having gone in today. This week I am not going to have any help whatsoever. Tomorrow we'll have TWO teacher's gone AND one of the two aides -- so of course MY aide gets to fill in for everybody. The rest of the week one teacher and the aide will still be gone - so I still won't have an aide for the whole week!!!! Wahhh!!!

Oh, my mom asked me at supper on Saturday what part I'd like to have in the wedding. I told her I had no idea, whatever she wanted me to do as long as it didn't involve speaking in front of people. She also asked me if I would ask my friend Tracy if she could come (from FL) with her Harp and play for the ceremony, as well as my friend Karin (from NM) to play her flute. I told her I would talk to both of them. It would be so totally awesome to have my three best friends all meet each other! But, in a way this is really really hard for me. I always imagined that I'd be asking them to play *for me* at *MY* wedding - NOT at my *Mom's* wedding! I guess this is part of whats so hard for me to digest. Here my mom is getting married for the fourth time (3rd person) and here I am still single with no real prospects of that changing. She had me when she was 24 , and was 29 when she had my brother. I'm 29.

Why is it that some people have such an easy time finding someone with whom they connect with enough to move into a marriage with? I'm someone who really truly desires to be a wife and a mom. I don't really give a rip about a "career" path or whatever. I really wish I knew what it is about me that has blocked this from happening for me. My last two bf's both went on and on about what a wonderful, loving, caring, intelligent, etc etc person I was ... but they both ended the relationship -- one because he thought he was going to try to get back to his ex-wife (they had two girls) -- and the other one, I think mainly because he was 38 and had only dated me and one other person -wanted to see what else was out there. The person before either of them, I ended the relationship because I realized that no matter how much we loved each other, no matter how much each other's families loved each other(him and I), that there were some major issues which could be compromised on *before* children came, but once children were in the picture (which we both very much wanted), those issues would have caused a lot of strife and resentment. It took me six years after ending that relationship before I tried dating again.

These past few days Scott, my most recent ex-bf has emailed me more than he has in the past six-months. I'm really not sure exactly what is up with that, except that maybe he is feeling lonely or something. Maybe he's realized that not everyone is willing to put up with or accept people as they are. The very last time I saw him, I told him that I hoped he would find what he was looking for. He told me that maybe he'd find out in a few months that he'd already found what he was looking for, but knew that I wouldn't be waiting around for that possibility. If that's what's going on here - if he's "testing" the waters, so to speak - I don't really know what'll I do. I have forgivien him for some of the things that happened, but forgiving is easier sometimes than forgetting. He's not the person I've had the strongest connection to, but he is the person I've had the most in common with, likes/dislikes, future goals, views on the world, moral values, etc. It would honestly take a LOT of convincing for me to give him a second chance, for me to trust him again, if that's even what he's after. I'm really probably reading a lot more into this recent spate of emails than there really is, and a few days/weeks from now will feel really silly to have even written these thoughts down.

Ok, I've really gotten off topic here. Sorry about that. My journal entries lately have been a lot of selfish blathering - whoa is me. I guess the whole thing of my mom getting married and finding out that two people I used to date are engaged, kinda set me in that kind of a mood.

Well - my spending log:
Saturday:
Wal-greens: $10.65 -- (soda, ice cream, ????)
Sunday:
Ebay: $5.38 ( a bunch of different sets of coupons for the upcoming Albertson's sale)

--also bid on 6 auctions for Morningstar coupons - was outbid on one already - if win the remaining 5, could cost up to $25 for up to 60 $1 coupons good till December.

Ok, time for shower and bed. Will have to get up early again to try to prepare for the day.

Keeping It Frugal in Texas,
Laura