Awful day. Knew better than to take this class on a field trip. The museum was okay, but not terribly interesting for first and second graders. Let me just relate one incidient. M was at his usual mainic self today. I sent him to Vicki once, he came back in doing his little catwalk. Fast forward to lunch. First of all the boys won't get quiet when it's time for prayer, so I send ahead the girls and one boy who were quiet. M of course is in the group who were being noisy. I lecture them, then let them go. I'm already feeling like this field trip was a bad idea, and why didn't I just call in sick. Then, I somehow end up sitting across from M. I notice that he's about to get up from the table to exchange his chips. The rule in my class at least is that once you've picked your chips, dessert, or drink, that's it. Otherwise it's a constant stream of kids going back and forth to make sure they have the same such and such as another child. So anyway, I tell him to sit down - that he can't exchange his chips. He then rather snottily informs me that he'd already exchanged his dessert. ARGHH! I tell him, that may be, but you'll have to stick with those chips. So he says that he won't eat them. I say, fine, you don't have to. Then he says, "i'll just crunch them up." I tell him fine, they're your chips. Then he says he's going to pop the bag. I say, fine, if you want to clean up the whole table. So then he looks me directly in the eye, and puts his bag of chips on his seat. I tell him to stop. He then plops down on top of the bag, and of course a LOUD popping sound emits.

Admittedly, at that point, I over reacted. I threw down my corn dog that I was about to eat, and said "that's it!" Then asked another adult who was there to keep an eye on my class, and took M to find Vicki. I was quite honestly livid. After we talked and she talked to M, I went back to the table . . . . and found out that the bag had not even opened!!! I was more than a bit embarrased.

After school today I talked some more to Vicki. She thinks that M just craves attention, and that he'll get it from me any way he can. That he loves me very much, and knows that I love him, and that I am the one stable thing in his life. His mom is a single mom and works crazy hours for SBC as a phone repair tech - she's doing the best she can for him. Vicki told me that she thinks that I am getting so tired of dealing with him, that things I could have let go easily at the beginning of the year are becoming much bigger - mountain out of a molehill, so to speak. I know what she's saying is true. My patience/tolerance level right now is extremely low, not just with M, but with all the kids. I DO try my darndest to "catch him being good" as much as possible - and give him attention at times hes not misbehaving - but the times he's NOT misbehaving are so far and few between, it feels like a losing battle.

I don't know what I can do to change the situation at this point. I am so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I get to bed at a decent hour, but it doesn't really do much good because I'm either kept awake for hours and hours by the mental movie in my mind, the stupid neighborhood dogs that have a metal bowl or something that gets kicked around at all hours of the day and night, some neighbor having a loud thumping music party, OR I get to sleep, but then somehow wake up right around 4 or 5 am and can't go back to sleep. Or, sometimes BOTH parts happen on the same night, and I'm not sure if I ever REALLY got to sleep in the first place.

I really really need a few mental health days, but theres just no way I can ask for them with the situation we have on subs (in other words -NONE). The only thing I can do is chant the mantra - 26 days, 26 days, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh, something else. This morning I got an email from my most recent ex-bf. The same one who sent me the strange little one liner on Saturday. He told me that he has decided to go back to school and finish his Bus Ad degree. THEN he asked me why he hadn't heard from me in awhile - if I was wanting to cut off communication. I'm wondering if somehow he didn't get my last email that I sent during Spring Break. I'm not really quite sure what to think. This email was much more normal for him. I haven't quite decided what to do yet.

The other guy who's been writing me for about a week - well I asked him to tell me more about his divorce. He told me that it is final, but in Oklahoma there is a waiting period, and his lawyer told him that it would be good for him to start another relationship during that time. Hmmm. ... still not too sure what to think about this. He says that his ex-wife left him without telling him, and that his lawyer tried to get her to state why she left for many many months, but she refused, and finally wrote him a letter asking him for no more contact. I really, really, don't know what to think.

Comfort Food spending:
Taco Bell: $5.80 (no more corn on the cob there -wah!)
Wal-greens: $2.80 (choclate peanuts, soda, ice cream)

Keeping It Frugal in Texas,
Laura