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Home > Sometimes I Want to Curl Up and Stay in My Coocoon
 

Sometimes I Want to Curl Up and Stay in My Coocoon

September 1st, 2015 at 07:58 pm

I was feeling pretty awful this morning at work. I made it through til after lunch hoping that eating something would help. It didn't. Finally I asked to go home around 1 p.m.

I'd been home only a few hours when I got a call from my brother. Shocked! I think he was surprised to actually get me.

He was pretty upset at my mom for having already purchased tickets to come out here (she'd texted both of us before she bought them, and got no response from him ... so just bought them.) His company apparently is launching a new version of their website that weekend, so that's why he can't come. He was feeling manipulated and guilt tripped.

(He also said that he's used up all his vacation time going to friend's weddings/events this summer. Things he was supposedly "locked" into. Yeah, so .. making plans to come visit here wasn't part of the "locked" in time plans I guess ...)

I told him I understood where he was coming from with not being able to get away that weekend, but at the same time I was feeling extremely frustrated at how we kept making plans but they never materialized. I also told him that I'd already paid for non-refundable hotel reservations for that weekend.

He was making noises about mom being able to reschedule her flights (Southwest) easily and that I should double check whether the hotel dates can be transferred (they can't.)

Then I mentioned about Thanksgiving and that I was really hoping he'd be there so we could go through the shed together to figure out what to do with the rest of dad's things. That Grandma, etc. needed the room for their full household.

That's when he told me what my two little cousins did to my Aunt/Grandma.

To understand this ... My uncle married a woman from the Philippines in 1995? They had B, a hugely over-intelligent genius type boy who was too small for his age up til maybe a year or two ago. Then a few years later they had J. An intelligent, vibrant, moody, girl. When J was about 2, Uncle's wife had an affair and they divorced.

Uncle was left with the kids while ex-wife went off to have her life. Uncle was NOT equipped to deal with two little kids. In steps my Grandma and other Aunt/Uncle. They became B and J's psuedo parents. Buying them clothes, books, etc. Disciplining them. Etc., etc.

B had great difficulty in school. Not academically, but socially. They tried many different solutions over the years, ending with the last two years him living with my Grandma and whoever was there taking care of her at the time. B did very well at the new place/situation. Last year, J joined him. She did very well. B adopted a kitten - which Aunt ended up spending over $1500 in vet bills for a needed surgery.

So ... it's the new school year. B would be starting his junior year, and J her freshman year. Everything was in place for it and them.

Their mom married new guy who lives in TX and is very well off. Mom promises B his own car. He defects. J doesn't want to go, but after two days staying there on a visit, also defects. Both basically writing off Grandma and Aunt/Uncle. Writing off their father I understand (long story) but the other? All I can say is that I don't envy them the regret they're going to have to live with when they are older and wiser.

..... Part of me feels like just saying forget it. I'll stay here in my little corner of the world with my cat and NE and let everyone else do whatever. No more concern of mine.

Of course, I can't really do that. It's not in me. I know it's not up to me to fix whatever is going on with my brother or with my brother and mother. But I'd like to fix it ...

5 Responses to “Sometimes I Want to Curl Up and Stay in My Coocoon”

  1. VS_ozgirl Says:

    We have distant family and one thing my mother has always said is you just don't know what really goes on because you're not really around them much. By all means try to fix things - you might be the one of the most helpful, you never know? But at the same time continue to be grateful for your own calm little cocoon Smile

  2. starfishy Says:

    sorry to hear that you are dealing with painful family issues...good luck.

  3. CB in the City Says:

    Children are immature by definition, and they can be persuaded by superficial things, like promises of money, etc. But in their new environment, they might find that things they took for granted are missing. I hope they will eventually make amends to the people who were there for them when it mattered.

  4. MonkeyMama Says:

    They will regret their choices eventually. Whether it be next week or in 10 years. But it's hard to watch in the interim, I am sure. ((HUGS))

  5. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Thanks all.

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