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Need to Find a Way to be Content

February 1st, 2015 at 05:00 pm

Last week was a long, stressful week at work. I spent most of Saturday wondering how I could make it work if I were to just plain quit.

I figured that I could survive at least 9 - 10 months with cash on hand, plus selling my non-inherited stocks - possibly a little longer.

Of course that would mean no health insurance.

I think part of what is so stressful to me is how utterly bored I am most of the time. There are spates of busy activity where the phone is ringing off the hook and I have lots of orders to fill or people at the window. But there is a LOT more time where it is just DEAD.

I've been doing a lot of compensating for stress by ... eating and eating and eating. Not healthy food. The few pounds I managed to lose have found me again. This is bad for my waistline and my pocketbook.

Deacon's Wife (Laura) mentioned that she thinks she might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I'm kind of wondering if I might have something like that too.

Quitting my job isn't the answer. It might rid me of the stress of having to deal with some of the aspects of the job I hate, but whos to say I'll find something else less stressful or better.

So ... I need to figure out how to be content with where I am at.

How have I been filling my time when it's dead? Mostly by reading books I enjoy or checking out news stories on yahoo and cnn. The yahoo news/finance stories seem to be pretty repetitive, and cnn doesn't change their stories very often.

I do have a set of musical notation flashcards that I have gone through a time or two.

Once I'm off probation, I'll be able to take classes and have them reimbursed if they're something related to the job / department.

So maybe I can figure out a class I could take which could be reimbursed, and then use the dead time to study for that class?

What I'd really like to do is figure out something I could do which would result in more money during the dead hours. Something that would make it so I could retire even earlier than I think I can right now.

I really don't want to go back into a classroom - I've been out of a regular classroom for long enough that I wouldn't be "with it" on the current jargon - not to mention the whole Common Core fiasco currently engulfing education. To get a school library job I'd have to take enough classes to renew my certification and retake the certification test (it expires this May.)

Honestly, I don't know that I want to go back to working 60 hours a week even if it means a much bigger paycheck. One of the biggest benefits of my current job is that when the day is over, the day is over. I have some overtime opportunities coming up over the next four or five months, but not that much.

One of the people I work with told me his wife works at the police department dealing with the people coming in = and that she has people like I dealt with on Thursday half a dozen or more times a day. I wouldn't last long there.

I just am not sure what to do.

If I did quit, I probably could get rehired back at the call center, which would bring in 6 or 700 a month ... but that job was more stressful than this one ... It would make it so I could stretch my funds nearly indefinitely ... just no health insurance and no retirement fund matching. It would also really limit the time NE and I could spend together ... but also make it so I had plenty of time to exercise and make healthy food.

12 Responses to “Need to Find a Way to be Content”

  1. NJDebbie Says:
    1422812450

    I've suffered from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is very real. Seek help; I did last year after suffering for many years and I am so happy I did. I feel much better and I am now able to cope with the emotional aspects of the disorder. You won't regret it.

  2. PatientSaver Says:
    1422816110

    I once bought aand tried one of those special lamps that's supposed to emith the kind of natural light that alleviates SAD, but it didn't make any difference that I could see, so I returned it.

    I guess I haven't been keeping up with your news that well because I'm unclear what kind of work you're doing now. Sounds like you want to make a change on 2 fronts: a new job as well as a better way to cope with boredom or stress.

    Reading the news does not sound like a good de-stresser; in fact, I often feel that hearing so many bad news stories makes me depressed and anxious about things largely out of my control.

    Do you think that maybe finding some activity you could do with others might be a better way to alleviate stress and boredom? Too much time alone can make you captive to your own repetitive thought cycles.

  3. creditcardfree Says:
    1422818152

    Having moved much further north, it is likely that less light is effecting you. I wonder if there are any University office jobs you might find more fulfilling. I also agree with PatientSaver that finding people to be social with is a very good idea. It has always made a big difference for me.

  4. Petunia 100 Says:
    1422821093

    Don't quit; it is easier to find a new job while employed than while unemployed.

    It's OK to reach for something you will enjoy more. Just keep looking. Smile

  5. ceejay74 Says:
    1422824402

    ((hugs)) Only you can really discover the right next step, but from what you've said, I'd consider looking around for jobs you think you'd find less boring/stressful. It sounds like you could live on less, so even a part-time or lower-paying job might be all right, if it afforded you more pleasure or at least caused you less distress.

    And if you don't find one, at least you've got classes to look forward to. Maybe retrain to a new profession altogether?

    You nearly joined NaNoWriMo last year. Maybe a big writing project would take your mind off work?

    Just wondering--it doesn't seem like you've found much community here or in your last location. Is there a part of the country where you already have a friend base, or one where you think you'd find lots of like-minded people? Having at least a small social network is really important to most people's mental and physical health.

  6. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1422827858

    Thanks NJDebbie - I really think I am at the point that I'm going to have to find somebody here to talk to, whether or not its SAD. I almost did get in touch with the local pastor, but then changed my mind when things were looking up a bit.

    PS - I am working at a local city bus office answering the phone to give route information, selling bus passes to people who come to the window, filling bus pass orders, etc. Some days there is none to little down time. Others ....... way too much down time.

    I have been attending the local church sporadically. I really planned on going yesterday, but when I got up, I just couldn't make myself go. I might start going to the weekly Bible study group again which will be restarting soon - I said something to the leader about maybe adding some fellowship time in addition to the Bible study part, and she sounded agreeable.

    I have no idea what new job I could get.

    Oh, I mainly read the news stories so as to maybe have something to talk about with NE other than what happened at work. That got old fast. I also was reading it a lot during the election time so I could get an idea of the local issues and people running (the local paper.)

    CCF - I know I need to get myself out more. I just feel so drained that getting out on nights NEs not here just doesn't appeal. I know it's a self-repeating cycle - secluding myself and feeling lonely, so don't have the energy to get out, repeat over and over. I went one time to the belly dancing class - went at the wrong time so missed it, and then talked myself out of going the next 7 times ... I went to the sewing class once and made a fool out of myself ...never went back. Those classes appealed to me, but then the reality of being out there made me run back inside to hide away.

    Thanks Petunia100 - As much as I want to, I won't quit unless I have something else lined up.

    Thanks Ceejay. I think the biggest thing causing me stress at this job is the money handling and having every tiny (and not tiny) mistake painstakingly pointed out to my boss - who then lets me know (which I asked her to do.) The other big stressor is giving the route information - most people are polite and grateful - however some are far from polite and act quite entitled.

    A job where I did mostly word processing, data entry, maybe design graphs, etc. and had absolutely minimal phone time ... that probably would be my ideal. As long as I had something productive to do all day long. Or maybe a library associate job like the one posted right now - as long as it didn't involve Fri night or Saturday (which this one does.. require weekend hours)

    I've thought about the book project ... if I were to do it at work, it would need to be something that wouldn't make me emotional while writing it (which is why I decided to not go ahead with my nano book idea.) If I could write up some ebooks to sell for .99/each on Amazon or something ... That could solve my boredom problem AND reduce time til retirement. It's just coming up with the idea and turning it into a story .. I'm plenty long winded, I'm just not sure how interesting my long windedness would be to other people.

    Community ... I'd say the last place I lived in TX was probably my happiest place in a long time. The church family was my family. I felt totally loved and accepted there. It would be different if I were to go back now ... new pastor, many people have moved away ... others have new circles. If I could find that again... it was something special.

    When I was in elementary and even high-school, I made friends so easily. The first college I went to, again, made friends easily. Then the college I graduated from ... in TX ... friends didn't come so easily. And it's been that way ever since.

    Maybe I can look into some kind of writing classes. Brush up on my grammar ... find some class that helps you figure out how to go from idea to fruition. Or perhaps some books on the topic ..

  7. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    1422830346

    This is my second year using a SunTouch Plus by Nature Bright, bought off Amazon for about $60. (Lots of good reviews there, some of them quite informed and sensible.) It's a desk top light that I use every morning. You might be able to use it while working. It has helped me. I feel less groggy, more energetic. If it's a sunny day and I can get out, I skip it, unless I cannot get out until mid afternoon.

  8. CB in the City Says:
    1422994183

    In regard to the SAD, I think it is helpful to turn on all your lamps at home; add more lamps, if you need to. The idea is to make it look warm and cheery. I don't think you need one of those special lights. I had a friend who, like PS, bought and returned one because it was ineffective.

    The job -- clearly you are way too bright for such a tedious job. You need to keep your eyes open for something more in line with your talents. I know it isn't easy. But once your mind is challenged, you will be much happier at work.

    It is a good idea, however, with all that down time, to write books for the internet. You are such a good writer! Your personality leaps off the page! It is an excellent idea to take a writing class. That would help socially, too. Or get involved with a writer's group. Ask about it at the public library.

    I totally hear you on your attempts at socializing. It is VERY, VERY hard to break into a new community. Sometimes it is just a matter of luck to find the right person who can give you an "in." I struggle, too. It is COMPLETELY typical to find it harder to make friends after college. You no longer have that highly structured environment with a large pool of people who are similar in age and interests, all of whom are free and looking for connections. Real life is so much different! Don't be hard on yourself.

  9. FrugalTexan75 Says:
    1423009374

    Thanks Joan.

    Thanks CB.

    Maybe lack of light in my apartment is part of my problem. To save money, I end up being in the dark most of the time. I have two lamps - one by my front door and the other one is still packed away somewhere. I need to find that one and put it in my bedroom - a bulb wouldn't use too much electricity. Smile
    I don't know .. when I keep making stupid mistakes, it makes me question my intelligence... Days when I'm busy, like the last two days, the job is ok. It's just the days I'm NOT busy ...

    Smile I'm glad you think that. Maybe I'll be able to come up with something to turn into a novel. Good idea to ask about writing classes/groups at the library.

  10. snafu Says:
    1423213808

    We've moved to different communities for different reasons and found it fast and easiest to make new friends by volunteering or joining a service group. There are tons of programs like helping seniors learn internet/ e-mail/texting at the public library, volunteering for Red Cross blood donor clinic organization, walking dogs at the shelter, hospital library program or visiting program, Rotary or the big volunteer organizations...stuff like that.

    I've made friends taking Continuing Ed courses offered evenings at a convenient High School or College locations like Learning Thai Cookery, Basic Auto Maintenance, and making Silver Jewellery. Are there any crafts you'd like to learn? Knitting/crochet might help fill down time.

    Is it difficult or expensive to renew your Library Certification credential?

  11. kashi Says:
    1423849495

    I agree with the statement that you are far too bright for such a tedious job!

    I suffer from SAD in the winter months. I take vitamin D supplements, ashwagandha, magnesium, and more vitamin B. On sunny days, I do everything I can to bask in the sun for a while. It helps, to a point. They say exercising helps too, though that's not easy to do when you're already sad and the weather is less than desirable.

    Random side note - have you been to the new Modern Love restaurant? Isa Chandra Moskowitz started it, and I adore her cookbooks. Should I ever travel down that way, be forewarned that I am going to drag you out to dinner! I'm dying to go there!

  12. FS Says:
    1424179531

    All employees, especially hourly employees, are simply selling their time. If you think it like that, it won't be so bad. I'm not sure if you want to advance in your current field or not, but if you do, you should use this time to access everything the company gives you access to and read/learn them all. When that becomes too boring, I also use downtime to do my finance, research on activities I might want to do, networking, etc... everything I would be doing in my own personal time.

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