I haven't written much about NEs and I's relationship since I got to NE. To put it mildly, we've struggled. Today was move in day to my new apartment.
NE was talking about making a 7 hour round trip to buy speakers for his eBay business today. Fine, whatever. Turns out one of the items he wanted was gone. So no trip.
I ask him if he'd be willing to help me hang pictures. His response, why do you need help?
I ask him this morning to carry out a couple boxes to the car. Why do you need help?
He's at the apartment sleeping.
He worked last night til 4 am. So I understand him sleeping. But if he was going to make the trip, he'd have gone without sleep. Afterall, he doesn't work til Thursday again. But to help me out... Why do you need help?
Maybe I'm judging him against my dad. I wouldn't even have to ask.
Just like I offer to help carry boxes out for NE when he's shipping stuff - without having to be asked or making a big deal.
Am I wrong to feel ticked that he's expecting me to do all this by myself? If we were broken up that'd be one thing, but supposedly we are in a relationship. Isn't part of that helping each other??
I should add that I hired two men and a truck to move my stuff from storage to here. It was me and them. 2 hours charged. $287. Ugh.
Part of my upset probably has to do with my realizing just how inadequate this apt is for storage. I'm going to have to buy something for pantry space and for my baking and cookware. There simply isn't enough cupboard space.
I'm sorely missing my little house in NM right now.
Am I wrong?
August 24th, 2014 at 07:13 pm
August 24th, 2014 at 07:42 pm 1408909356
(((hugs))) to you right now.
You aren't wrong. Everyone speaks different love languages, right? This might go beyond that. My best friend moved to Seattle to be with a guy who sounds vaguely familiar (but her guy was just downright mean in some instances and I wouldn't presume this to be the case with NE). It is safe to assume that when you are in a relationship, your significant other will help you.
Does he not want you to move? Is he taking this as some sort of rejection of the relationship? Again, I don't presume to know the intricacies of your romantic arrangement. How is your communication in general? Does he feel that you are leaving because he hasn't moved to more of a commitment - marriage or engagement?
As far as the practical storage, do you have room for any sort of tall narrow bookcase in dead spaces? How is it going seeking companionship at your new church? I hope they've become more welcoming. If I were closer, I'd come and help.
Well, I hope that you have an OK day and feel better once you are settled.
August 24th, 2014 at 08:12 pm 1408911138
August 24th, 2014 at 08:40 pm 1408912803
Laura - My finding a job and finding an apartment of my own once I got out here is what we talked about and agreed on before I moved out. I had told him from the get go that I did not feel comfortable with living with someone with being married. So it isn't a surprise to him. I think though that he is figuring out the reality of it - he's going to have to be responsible for the dishes, and the cat litter and the laundry, etc. again. Much reduced time together (more so than it already is with me working five days a week) etc.
He's not reacting this way out of meanness. He's just ....lazy really. If it isn't something that interests him, then he's very unlikely to do it or care to listen about it.
I was so tired yesterday that I skipped church, but last week someone actually sat with me. She invited me to stay for potluck, but I was feeling really ill, so went home instead.
CCF - I feel like I am constantly telling him things he does that bothers me. Just a few days ago we were in the middle of one of our silent tiffs, and I was about ready to say I was done. I got home from work and told him how frustrated I was and I needed to know he really wanted this. He never really said he did, but we talked things out. Part of what we talked about was how whenever I ask him to do something, he makes such a big deal about it.
I feel like I did ask him for help. And both times he just made it sound like I was asking for too much ... why can't you do it yourself?
I have been thinking about counseling. Maybe after November 1 when my health insurance kicks in. I don't know if he'd be willing though, but I can always go by myself.
My mom offered to come out here and help me get my place settled. I told her thanks, but no ... I figured that between NE and I, we could get it done no problem. Apparently I should have asked NE first if he was actually willing to ... you know ... be a helpmate?
August 24th, 2014 at 08:44 pm 1408913064
August 24th, 2014 at 08:58 pm 1408913882
August 24th, 2014 at 09:02 pm 1408914146
August 24th, 2014 at 09:21 pm 1408915267
I really do wish you the best Laura. I know you were excited when the relationship was rekindled. If it doesn't feel right, it just may not be right. You either already know or will know soon whether to continue.
August 24th, 2014 at 09:43 pm 1408916615
August 24th, 2014 at 10:37 pm 1408919824
We still do a lot of negotiation to get to the place that keeps us both happy. It always takes me a while to figure out his manipulation since it's done so smoothly.
August 24th, 2014 at 11:08 pm 1408921697
I really wish you the best, hoping you find friends at work, church, or community.
Hugs
August 25th, 2014 at 02:48 am 1408934907
August 25th, 2014 at 02:48 am 1408934918
August 25th, 2014 at 02:49 am 1408934989
I am sorry to read this though. ((HUGS))
August 25th, 2014 at 02:55 am 1408935332
This is how I live, most days, and I can't recommend it.
August 25th, 2014 at 01:36 pm 1408973781
August 26th, 2014 at 12:20 am 1409012454
August 26th, 2014 at 12:28 am 1409012923
August 26th, 2014 at 04:03 am 1409025829
I don't think you are wrong at all. In fact given you moved to his town for him I say he should do all the moving and set up while you eat bonbons and relax!
I agree with what everyone above has said and most espcially LuckyRobin.
I'm glad to read he is helping you now.
((HUGS))
August 26th, 2014 at 04:00 pm 1409068808
August 27th, 2014 at 06:31 pm 1409164305