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Ugh - Logged Out

October 23rd, 2011 at 05:37 am

I typed up a nice long post and forgot my typical advice to copy it to a clipboard before posting ... just in case. And of course I'd gotten logged out because in the middle of typing I got into a text convo, so it took awhile. So nice long post -- gone.

Short of it -- Long, busy week at school. End of first quarter, major hiccups with online grading program that computer tech person and I got to handle. Look to be worked out now. (cross fingers!) Parent teacher conferences on Tuesday - hope to finish book inventory and get started on processing new books. Must put a moratorium on my buying books for the library. MUST.

Frown Co-worker who found out she was pregnant, miscarried last Thursday night. No support from family - taken to hospital by brother, then he left. I didn't find out til Monday morning. Frown

Really missing my Texas church family. I do like my life here, my job, my home, etc. Just if we could transport my Lew****** church family to here ... then it would be perfect. If I wanted the stress of it ... I'd offer (make a strong suggestion) to be worship leader/coordinator. Today they mentioned Nov 5 is supposed to be "community church" day - where we invite coworkers/friends. HAH! I'd be seriously embarrassed right now to invite anyone. Not that they aren't good people - because they are good people. But they are seriously organizationally challenged. It makes it *really* difficult for me to talk myself into going to church each Sabbath - let alone invite someone who knows nothing about our church (other than what they might see in me.)

8 Responses to “Ugh - Logged Out”

  1. cptacek Says:
    1319346755

    I am very sorry to hear about your friend. Please convey to her that I have prayed she has strength to get through this horrible time.

  2. Frugaltexan75 Says:
    1319347793

    Thanks. I know you've been through this before. What was the most helpful things people did for you? I've really felt at a loss as how to help her get through this. Frown

  3. laura Says:
    1319378899


    Having been through this myself, all I can say is the most meaningful words to me were "your" baby versus "the" baby. THe babies that I have lost were mine and it helped that someone at least acknowledged that, rather than the "Oh, it was God's will" and "It is better this way" were the worst.

    As far as what to do, just be there. Even if your friend is silent and doesn't have much to say (grief can be all consuming) she will feel better that she is not alone.

    I, too, offer prayers for your friend.

  4. cptacek Says:
    1319391404

    I totally agree with Laura. Please don't tell her it was God's will. When I heard that, what I actually heard was "God killed your baby" even though I know that isn't true.

    For me, just a hug or a hand on my shoulder and genuine sympathy without trying to make me feel better was the best thing. Sometimes things suck, and we must acknowledge the suck. People feel what they feel, and telling them to not feel that way is arrogant and cheapening the experience they are going through. Sympathy, yes. Glossing over valid emotions, no.

  5. Frugaltexan75 Says:
    1319393018

    Thank you both for your comments. So far I've mainly just let her know I'm willing to listen if she needs to talk and that I'm sorry for her loss. I also offered a hug - which she declined. Shes gotten the "Gods will" thing from other people - not me! She told me she wanted to throw things when she got home last Friday, and I told her I sure didn't see the harm in that - as long as there's no one in the direct path ... Losing a couple dishes or figurines is much better than keeping anger bottled up.

  6. Jerry Says:
    1319400788

    I think you are right to give her the space that she needs to grieve, but to let her know that you are there. I am shocked at the stuff that some people will say to a woman after a miscarriage -- my wife went through something similar and it lead me to want to break some people's noses. Oh, and I know what you mean about "organizationally challenged" at church. We moved to the Balkans, where there is almost no concept of organization to begin with, and no insurance that anyone even understands the concept, so church has been a challenge for a while over here. As you said, really good people... just in this case, most people being unable to plan further than about 20 minutes ahead. Good luck!
    Jerry

  7. LuckyRobin Says:
    1319423032

    As someone who has gone through several miscarriages, I always wanted to bean the people who said anything about it being God's will. Maybe it was, but that didn't mean I needed to hear it right then. A simple "I am sorry for your loss," is the appropriate way to handle it, in my opinion. It conveys sympathy without being annoying or terribly painful for the person who has lost something.

  8. frugaltexan75 Says:
    1319428305

    Thanks Jerry, I'm sorry to hear about your and your wife's losses. Frown

    LuckyRobin, That's what I'm trying to not be -- annoying. We work pretty closely together, so I guess I'm just not sure what the right balance is of just going forward like normal, but also being supportive is ...

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